Conversation Peace

Last night, I went by my best friend house and successfully spawned a debate with her boyfriend's best friend. I'll admit, I was wrong for playing devil's advocate, but I get a kick out of how his friend looks perplexed when I pass a one sided comment. I walked away knowing I struck a nerve, but I also walked away knowing he views me as most women, and that's a "hard to deal with woman." I am sure he was saying to himself I see why she's single. The somewhat down side is, I think I may have inadvertently made my best firends' boyfriend feel bad. Yeah, I wanted to irritate his friend, but I didn't want to make him feel bad by my comments. I think the next time I am in his company, I will flip my personality and views, just to throw him for a loop. What I can't understand is why these two men will have the same conversation and think they are dropping science on somebody. I honestly think they like to hear themselves talk. Unfortunately, they always miss the true underlying issue. We as young African American people do not know how to find a common ground in our lives/relationships. In too many of our relationships, its constantly one sided be it male or female. The most common problem that we have is that we allow our experiences, setbacks, misfortune, criticism and self hatred to dictate how we treat our significant other. I definitely am guilty of that because the last relationship I was in was damn near nine years ago. I have not been romantically involved with anyone past a sexual nature and thus I treat all of my encounters with men as a business expedition. Everything is about "me". Its either fuck or be fucked and no one wants to be fucked so we keep those guards up and as a result there is no peace between people in their relationships, much less normal conversation without all the yelling. Hense the title conversation peace. There is none. My friend's company looked at me strange when I said I don't talk to people. He thinks its because I am judgemental and think everyone is stupid. But that's not it. I like to listen long enough to see what strikes a nerve in people so that I don't strike that nerve. I want my conversations with people to be so delicate that I walk away knowing the other person heard what I had to say, respected it, and vice versa. True I am a lawyer, but it doesn't mean that I like to fuss all the time, if at all. For the most part, I think I am laid back, despite what I may display to people during conversation.

Merry Christmas To All

Today was a wonderful Christmas. For the first time, New Orleans actually saw some snow. It has semi snowed here before, but not like today. I had fun throwing snowballs with my cousins. I went by my aunt's house because she had gumbo. I didn't get to make it to Mississippi like I wanted to in order to see my cousin and honestly I don't feel like driving there tomorrow. But I might have to. I have some work that I need to start looking at because these next two weeks will be busy between moving and work to prepare for court. Right now I am tired but I ate some good food today. Monday I need to go to the bank to transfer some funds from one account to another in order to cover all the checks I need to write next week. My aunt let me borrow her Ray movie so I will watch that tonight. I need to speak to my friend because I am really concerned about her. Will write later....

My Decision

Well I decided to move into the apartment at Oak Island Apartments. I completed the paperwork today. I will move in next weekend. I got a one bedroom and with it comes a lot of closet space, a fireplace, a washer and dryer in my apartment,and a storage room where the patio is located. My mom and dad are not thrilled. My mom keeps saying why can't I be married living with a man. My dad just doesn't want me to live by myself. But a girl gotta do what a girl gotta do. I will call to have the lights turned on next week some time. I will also work on getting a security system put in since they told me I can. I am not sure when I will be able to get a phone for the apartment. My money will be a little tight at first because everything is due at one time. My car note, insurance and now rent. I look forward to my own space again. But I must admit, I went through an anxiety moment because of another bill I have to look forward to. Everything entered my mind like what if I lose my job. Finally I told myself, then I'll move out. I am told there is new carpet in the unit. I will have to learn how to work the fireplace. I would hate to burn down the complex my first week in there.

Last Week

All last week, I fussed with both defense counsel and the judge. Thursday must have been the worst day of all. Other people in the courtroom found it entertaining. The comments I received was, "You used to be quiet. Now we can tell you have been with the office for a while because you have gotten fiesty. We like that." Needless to say, next year is busy already. January is horrible. But I will try not to think about that right now. I have three weeks and hopefully I can relax.

Last week was also filled with Christmas parties that I attended. Our party was off the chain. I got to give it to old Eddie. He threw a good party. I drank so much it was a good thing my car was in the shop. I followed the crowd to Ike Spears party that was extremely packed. In my sober state, I did not want to go to the party because I knew I would see someone there. But due to my drinking and following everyone, I totally forgot. As soon as I stepped in the door I heard my name. Yes it was him. I looked and he walked over and hugged me. He said something to me but I wasn't really trying to hear him. I walked off my crew headed for the bar. He walked past me, looking at me. I ignored him. He then came up behind me, said something in my ear, I ignored him of course. Way across the room I would look up inadvertly to see who was at the party and I caught him watching me. A co-worker of mine asked me who is the man that keeps looking at you. I asked her who was she talking about. She told me when to look after he turned his head so that we wouldn't be obvious. I told her my ex. She said so that's why he keeps staring at you. I really had nothing to say to him. Not that I am angry or upset with him, but I just feel like we really have nothing to talk about. For some reason I feel like he is a complete stranger to me and I didn't have that desire to talk to him. I used to like his company because he made me smile and laugh. But now I view him as the joke. I watched how he would laugh out loud or talk out loud while he was with his friends that night, but all I saw was someone who wanted my attention and just doesn't now how to get it anymore.

Four Days and Counting

Court was not bad today nor was it good. I had to try a stupid case about two eggs. I hated to even try it. I could see if the screener had accepted it as a misdemeanor but he accepted it as a felony. The only good thing is that it was a judge trial and not a jury. I am convinced my judge is crazy and he gives way to much deference to experienced defense lawyers. I am truly tired of that. And then they have the nerve to ask me if I am going to there Christmas Party. FUCK NO!!!! Not after the shit they pulled telling the DA we are never ready for trial when he is to lazy to even sit there and just listen. Me and defense counsel got into it again today. I am just waiting on the day the judge holds me in contempt of court. I really feel that coming soon and very soon.

Five Days

Five more days in court for the remainder of the year. I can not wait. Although I have a large docket for the next few days, I will try to hang in there. I will reflect on the year and see how I have progressed and what I need to improve. I think for the most part, I have enhanced my legal skills, but there is improvement. I can actually start thinking about Christmas. My Christmas list is getting longer. I will get presents for only two children this year. Not that I usually buy gifts for kids because I don't. That has only changed in recent times. I will get both of my grandmother's a gift. I found out today that my grandmother in Mississippi has osteoporosis. (did I spell that right?) That really bothered me because she drinks milk and still got it. I don't drink milk at all, so now I am really scared. I love my grandmothers dearly and I feel like I am running out of time with them. I guess that is because of my grandfathers passing. But I am trying to make time with them. My mother got upset with me because I am spending Christmas day in Miss. with my grandmother. She told me I should stay here with her. Never mind the fact that I am here every year for Christmas. Talk about selfish.

Going Through The Motions

Well, I came down off of my high from yesterday with it being my birthday and all. I had an attempted first degree murder motion today. The defense counsel was good. Though she asked a lot of irrelevant questions and the judge overruled my objections. He overruled about 90% of my objections. This case has me and the police officers puzzled. The victim who is able to talk is not being forthcoming about the chain of events that occured the night of the shooting. Why would your friend of so many years (practically all of your life) just shoot you. She has told the police a different story and she has told me a different story. I am just waiting until I can get more information before I can approach her with it. My two new juniors are working out well so far. Yesterday I tried a Possession With The Intent To Distribute Marijuana with the junior who has been in there with me the longest out of the two and to my surprise he did really well. He is a lazy guy but when he HAS to perform he will. I think he is getting used to being in trials. I just have to get the other junior there. I explained to them that this is a life and time altering process that takes time getting accustomed to. Lord knows it took me a while. Everyone see a change in me. I am more aggressive in court, I fuss with people now, I don't offer deals and more and more each day, I like what I do. I guess its because I am learning and feel like I am growing in my profession. I still do not have a concrete roadmap past the DA's office. I am not sure where I want to plant my feet. I guess I will just coast for a while and go through the motions. Someone told me the other day I should start looking for something else because this job is taking a toll on me and I am becoming more distant and less trusting of people. I think he is right for the most part. But that's because my eyes see so much now and I am in a position to help/change. Therefore, I am skeptical of people and what they are capable of. Yeah its a problem for me socially, but that's just what I do I suppose.

My Day

Today I turned 31 and I must admit I truly had a happy birthday. My close friend and investigator bought me a cake. My other co-workers signed a big poster board wishing me a happy birthday, my phone blew up all morning, noon and night. I really felt special on my day. Oddly enough, I usually don't tell people about my birthday, but this year it was different. More people than I expected remember and knew without me telling. I have to go and return phone calls. I must admit I had a happy birthday.

Father Figure

This past weekend was a fun and learning experience. Starting Friday night, I started drinking and playing pool which extended to Sunday. I drank the entire weekend for my pre-birthday celebration. Next weekend I will continue as we are celebrating Sabrina's birthday. I had fun and I relaxed. Strange enough, I wanted to have fun more than I wanted to have sex. But I truly enjoyed my weekend. Last night, I spoke with a friend of mine and I was telling him how I was having a problem changing certain things about me because I could not get to the root of the problem. After our in depth conversation, he told me that I should sit down and talk to my dad. I said why. He said because your dad will be able to help you with the problems you are experiencing particularly when it comes to relationships. I got so mad at that thought that I frowned up and got extremely quiet. He looked at me and kept asking what was wrong. I was so mad I almost cried but I caught myself. He asked me if I talked to my dad and I told him no because me and my dad have never had those father/daughter conversations. He said dad is the "protector" and he can best tell you about men. And an epiphany was realized. I have never felt as though my dad was my "protector" simply because of our relationship and subconciously, I have always felt as though I did not need his protection. So the next question I asked myself was why. Why do I feel that way about a man who has been there all of my life. And immediately thoughts of my childhood came to my mind which answered all of my questions. Example: Anybody that knows me and my sister knows that my mother was very strict and she would lose her temper and beat my sister and I for the smallest things. Needless to say as a child I was very scared and whenever my mother would snap I would look to my father for protection. One incident in particular stands out in my mind. I can't remember how old I was but I was in elementary school and one day I was by my grandmother house and she had bunk beds in one of the rooms. Well, my hair was snagged when I made an attempt to sit down. I thought nothing of it, but when my mother saw me she immediately thought someone had been playing in my hair and got so upset that she started beating me and then she threw me on the floor and started choking me. As a child I couldn't believe this was going on but all the while she was choking me, my attention was diverted to my dad who was standing right over me to my right looking down at me while I was screaming and pleading to him for help and he just watched. So for the most part whenever my mother would flip out, I knew I couldn't look for him to protect me because he wouldn't do anything to stop my mother. That is just one of many instances and a lot of things in my childhood I really can't remember but my sister can. But from that conversation I realize that I view men as people who will never be there to protect me from anything and as a result, I don't take them seriously. So I now see where my mom and dad play a huge part in my life and my views. I really do love my parents and I don't hate them in any way because they have been good parents to me despite their mistakes. I just need to figure out how to deprogram my mind and move on. I haven't talked to my sister about this but I am interested in her opinion. She is a daddy's girl, I am not. My mother told me the other day we have treated my dad better than we treat her or we like him more. I told her that was a lie and I am not partial to either of them. She gave me this look but what I said just slipped out without me even thinking about it. I really want to get my best friend opinion because there is so much that I want to talk about with her regarding this.

Moving Day

Today after I left work, I helped my sister move into her new home. I am sure they are happy. I am happy for them as well. Work was not bad today. Although I spent practically all day in court, it wasn't so bad. I just have to find a way to make it through the next two weeks, then my Christmas break. I am counting down to my birthday. I still haven't decided what I want to do to celebrate. I don't think I will do the party as planned, but I will drink more than likely for the entire month. My brother in law good friend wants to go to a game with me. He said we could do that for my birthday. I don't have a problem with it, but he is a married man. I don't want to start a trend here. My phone is ringing. Will write later.

Work Day

Today I was able to sit at my desk and do some work. I got a good bit accomplished. I left work at about 5:30, went to the gym and now I will take a bath and read some of my files that I brought home. Tomorrow I hope is equally productive. I decided to call him tonight because I really feel like having sex. The fact that he is so good with oral sex, kinda makes me wanna go back for more. The last time we spoke it was some bullshit about he was going to bed early. But my selfishness is coming out right now and I want what I want from him. Then he can disappear up until I need him again for sex. He wants to hook up. I didn't make plans with him just yet. I figure I'd wait until my birthday to get a really good present from him. I am thinking in advance. I figure if I butter him up, he'll forget about that conversation shit and maybe we can go back to being fucking buddies. I am cool with that, I always was, but he wanted to throw the monkey wrench in and fuck shit up. I think enough time has passed and I hadn't met anyone new to take his place or add to the list. He gets first dibs cause he good with tongue. The dick not bad, but his tongue is a motherfucker!!

Rainy Day

Today was a rainy day in and out of the courtroom. I was in court all day conducting motions and fighting with defense lawyers. The judge had the nerve to ask me if we were almost done. We have damn near a 400 case docket. HELL NO!!!!!!! I left court at 1:30, sat in a CLE seminar for two hours, and then went back to the office to do more work. I missed breakfast and lunch. Right now, I am hungry, drained and exhausted and I have a memo due tomorrow. Just one more day before the judge will be gone for one week thanks to the holiday!!!!!!!

For The Record

I went to bed last night telling God that I have nothing to be upset about, depressed about or not satisfied with. My life thus far has not been like most people I have met or seen. I am truly grateful. I know I complain a lot about my job, but I keep in mind I have one. I know I complain a lot about my salary, but I have one. I know I complain a lot about men, but I have several. :-) All in all, I shouldn't be upset or angry because I have been blessed to achieve the things that I have focused on. In due time, I am sure more blessings will come my way. However patience is a virtue and it makes us stronger in our faith. No progress without tribulation right. Today wasn't bad. I will have to fight for the trial continuance of my life on an aggravated rape that is set for Wednesday. Eventually I will take this to trial, I just need to really work on my argument to give the defense lawyer the fight of his life. Until tomorrow...

Mentally Drained

Today was hectic once I arrived to work. A victim left a message on my chief of trials phone stating that we have not contacted him. Its not my file but I took responsibility since I am head of the section. Court was a bitch and I think everybody saw my frustration. I was being pulled in so many different directions today it was ridiculous. My docket has now reached 395 open cases. My head is killing me!!!

Timepiece

Well I went into the office but only to pick up some files and then I left. I came back home, ate some pizza, and then I went to gym with my sister. I worked on cardiovascular for 30 minutes. I left after that and realized that I needed my inhaler. Don't laugh at that and you know who you are! The fact that I needed it bothered me. I have never worked out before and needed to use my inhaler. We went by my sister's new home. Its coming along fine and they may be moving in next month now. Today when my dad came home, he told me that my grandmother had given him the watch that I gave my grandfather for his birthday a couple of years ago. I asked my dad if I could have it and he gave it to me. I wanted to ask for it long ago because I didn't have anything that was his. My dad has his rosary beads that my grandfather was holding when he died and I am sure my grandmother has all sorts of things that were once his. I didn't know how to ask my grandmother for it and I wasn't sure if they had placed it on my grandfather when he died. My grandmother said she started to give it to Jerome but she said he would have broke it. She let him wear it to the funeral. I would have been upset had she given the watch to him. But I have it now I am kind of happy sad in a bitter sweet sort of way. My sister asked me if I was going to give it to my dad. My response was no. I don't know if I am wrong for that, but I really want to keep it. I hope I didn't offend my dad because those were not my intentions, but that's just how I feel.

Off Today

The office allowed us to take the day off considering the holiday. But I am still going into the office just to play catch up on a few things. Technically my day hasn't started but I will treat it as a decompress mode day. I am still in search of a better paying job. Before I go into the office, I will see what may be available. I typically send in a wave of resume's at the beginning of eacy new year. I would have done the same thing this past summer, but I was extremely busy once I was promoted to senior. November 17 will mark my six month anniversary as a Senior. This coming April will make my two year mark with the office. In my own little way, I would like to continue at the office because of the experience that I am getting. But I don't think I can climb any further because I am not interested in being appointed to any supervisory positions in that office. But I think it is good to make an impression as being a veteran in the office considering the high turnover rate. I can at least say that I hung in there.

Cars and Attitudes

My dad bought a 2005 Camry. When I got there, some negotiations had been made. The asking price was $23,000. They settled at 18,975. At the interest rate they first offered, over a five year period my dad will have paid back close to 28,000 for the car. I bitched to high hell with those people. A total of 4 separate men came in to talk to me. One came close to telling me to shut up. I chcked his ass right there. He left after that. Through the credit union, my dad had an 8.00 interest rate. Toyota bought the car for $19,988. (so they say) I talked them down to $18,000 flat. (there is another story behind that one) Over a four year period, they will have made only $4000.00 off of the sale. How many Camry's can you get for under $20,000. My dad got an '05 for $18,000. That's about the going price for an '03 Camry. Its a very nice car. I wouldn't have bought, but I don't care for Toyota's. My dad was going to pay the ridiculous price. He really wanted that Camry, but I couldn't let him pay back that much money. Granted, you will pay back in interest more that what you are getting the car for. I understand that is how they make their money. But my dad was going to pay just because he wanted it. To me that meant negotiate a better price so that he could be happy.

Lunch

Today I woke up with the worst attitude. It was one of those mornings I was fed up with my job. Court was not too good and one of my victims appeared in court to bitch about a continuance with the judge. So, at first I started not to go to lunch just to stay in and play catch up because of trials I have set tomorrow. I decided however at the last minute to eat lunch with my co-workers and right in the middle of lunch I look up and see him coming through the door. Yes, it was him. I tried to ignore him but my co-worker asked who was the guy that her friend was with. I looked over and he was staring at me. We spoke and hugged each other just to be cordial I suppose, but needless to say I lost my appetite and wound up throwing my food away. Talk about a day.

Not A Happy Camper

So defense counsel moved for a continuance in the attempted armed robbery trial and my victim is angry as all get out. I did not expect a continuance, but it came. Anywho, I will just have to deal with it. Not much happened with me today. I am counting the days until the holidays because that would mean more time off from court. Sometimes I love what I do and then there are those moments when I just want to jump off the roof. Needless to say I have a ton of work that I have to prepare for court this week thanks to the continuance. I bought some pecan crunch ice cream so that should keep me happy for a few days. Next week I might find myself trying my first aggravated rape case. That one I don't think I can win because they are hard to win by nature. The defense will more than likely be consent and thus the jury may not believe the victim. That's just the way it happens unfortunately. The minister didn't call, not that I am complaining. I spoke with my friend Chris this weekend. I don't know why he and get along so well. For some reason, he and I have this chemistry that I honestly have never had with any other man. Strangely enough, I don't know if I could see myself in a serious relationship with him. Not because he is married though. I ask myself if he wasn't married, would I date him. I still don't have an answer to that question. But I do know if ever I need him, he is there no matter what. I tell him everything and I don't think there is anything he doesn't know about me. He is really a good friend. He is the closest male friend that I have and in college there were a few times he and I crossed the line despite his then girlfriend/now wife. Well I have work to do. Will submit later.....

So I Met Him

So I decided to be nice and go to the party just to say hello. I met the guy whom my colleague wanted to introduce me to. He is an attractive guy, but not my type. He has minister written all over him and I don't think I am on his level when it comes to spirituality. He and I are on different levels. I am more reserved and he as a minister is more open. I don't think we would mesh very well because of it. Not to mention some of the other factors that he may have in his past that I am not ready and willing to deal with in this stage of my life. I am preparing for an attempted armed robbery trial that I don't feel like doing. I don't think I can win and my level of enthusiasm is extremely low. Aside from that, I had new speakers and an amplifier installed in my car. Because I am not all that impressed with the sound, I will have to enhance the enhancement. Talk about being a sound/music fanatic. This is my Christmas gift to myself. There isn't anything else that I want this year. Anyway, off to another week of trials.

Life?

Life is strange sometimes. In the middle of this year, I thought I wanted a relationship. Something meaningful. And I also thought I wanted a child. But somewhere in August, things changed. I now enjoy being single because when I look at most of my friends who are either married or dating, they are not happy. It seems so much easier being single. I don't have to tolerate the mood swings nor answering to anybody. And children. Well let's just say I am not as eager anymore. I guess my point is, the things that we think we want are really based upon what other people have or what other people say we should have. And life doesn't work like that. At least mine doesn't. Don't get me wrong. I too like other women get a bit lonely, but after a while, that shit wears off.

My Day

My day was fine. I got a few things accomplished. I was able to sit down at my desk and work. After I finish posting this, I will resume my work until it is time to go to bed. A fellow attorney called me today and asked if I would meet someone he knows. I had my reservations at first and was against it totally. But I said to myself to at least listen. So, I did. What I found out about the man is that he is a general manager of a physical therapy type center, ex navy man and looking for someone. So naturally I asked what's wrong with him. I was told he was a good man looking for a good woman. That only meant ask my own questions to get the answers I am looking for. Come to find out this man is also 33, divorced, a child (at least one), and is a minister as well. Needless to say I snobbed that one. I was then asked to at least meet him and say hello this saturday at a birthday party I have been invited to. I still have my reservations, but I guess I can be polite.

Same conversation, different day

She struck again.... My mother has managed to ask me twice this week so far about marriage and a kid. Not that I am keeping a tab of how many times she has asked, but I don't even have the energy to respond anymore. I was talking to my sister about my decision to get an apartment over a house because I would prefer to hava a higher income considering I am actively looking for another job. My instincts are telling me to be patient and the right job will come along. I also decided on the apartment because I need a place to put my furniture and I need time to myself after work. Coming home to my parents complaining everyday is becoming hard to ignore. So as I am telling my sister about my decision, my mon says to me if I were married, I could aford a home. I am really getting tired of the "married with children" question. I have decided just to get the apartment when the new year begin. I will take the remaining of the year to help my parents with their bills, pay more on my furniture, and by February I should be in my own place. Another influence in my decision is that I would like to build my house. I have an ideal of what I want, but I want to make sure I am in a position to build what I want the way I want it. I think I can wait on the home of my dreams, if nothing else.

Facts

Why is it that people can not accept their faults? Everybody loves to point the finger at everyone else, but no one wants to stand up and say, "I was wrong." My mother who was in a car accident refuses to admit that she simply did not see the oncoming vihecle. She has had her mouth poked out ever since. She really should be happy no one was killed considering the road she was on.

Why do black people constantly blame other people for their shortcomings? I was at my best friend house for her daughter's first birthday and a healty conversation sparked. Practically every black man in the room wanted to blame someone else for their lack of success. Everyone has choices. You can either listen to someone put you down and believe it or you can hear them and prove them wrong. I think black men suffer with this most.

Why do black men think they have so much time to get their life together? For the most part, all balck men want to do is hang out with their "boys", drink and jump from woman to woman. And by the time they turn thirty, that's when they want to take life seriously and get pissed off when they can't find anything paying more than minimum wage. Its as if they don't get a clue until its too late.

Why do black women think its cute to walk aroung looking like tramps? Too many of our young black females walk around, half dressed, no education, quick to fight, can't finish a sentence and worst of all............they have children with them that is soaking in all of this negativity!!!! Black females are causing our youth to think its okay to expose yourself. And black men have our youth thinking its okay to be a thug.

When will it end????

Learning Too Late

On Wednesday, I did jury selection for an attempted murder trial. I did not do as good as I would have liked to. Again, I did not feel a connection with the jury. Once we got down to the second panel and then the third, the jurors were tired and crabby. Most people do not understand that this is a process, and we can not reveal anything about the facts of the case. The next day was opening statements, which I gave, and then witnesses for the State. I didn't think my opening was good and we ended the day on a bad witness which I was trying to avoid. Friday we did not accomplish anything because of a witness the defense counsel wanted who was out of town so the judge released the jury for the day. I feel as though the jury is upset and I feel as though they are not looking at us in a good light. My biggest fear is that we will get a not guilty and I am not going to take that well at all because it is a winable case and my victims deserve to win. I have been vomiting behind this case, not sleeping, not eating, and my nerves are so bad, its unbelievable. The trial will resume on Monday, and I have two separate victims in two separate cases who are fussing at me because I can not take their matter to trial on Monday. Eventhough they know I am in an attempted murder trial, all they could say was,"what about my matter?" I don't know how much more I can take. This job monopolizes all of my time, and all I get from every angle is criticism and complaint. Nobody sees what I do as a prosecutor day in and day out and it is hard to prepare adequately for everything on the docket day after day. Ultimately this contributes to my feeling inadequate and nonproductive. God help me....

My First

Today I lost my first jury trial. I sat second chair. It didn't bother me the way I thought it would. In fact, I viewed it as another matter off of the docket. Tomorrow I start my first attempted second degree murder trial. That one I am nervous about. I really want to do good for my victims. I have paid more attention to this case than any other case thus far. Sometimes I feel inadequate, but I will put on my game face and keep moving. I was in court all day. It only took the jury 15 minutes to deliberate. I didn't feel a connection with the jury like I normally do. This panel just didn't give me that vibe I was looking for. The trial today was only a possession of crack. The good thing is the defendant walked away without a felony conviction. Maybe that is justice. Considering he doesn't have a felony conviction hanging over his head to impede his life.
"If I can not enjoy living
one precious minute
within 24 hours, then why
am I living?"

poeticnjustice 10/19/04

About Me

I am a single woman, thirty years old, no children. I sometimes enjoy my life as a single woman, but I oftentimes think I should be more interested in being a wife/mother. My outlook on life and people is negative. I have taken a negative viewpoint only because of my experiences and my job. My time is very limited and I am consumed with other people problems. People whom I don't even know. The hardest thing is trying to maintain and survive just one day, then finding the energy to get up and do it all over the next day. I often feel like my life is whizzing by and I am not having an opportunity to slow down and enjoy it. There are only a few people in my life whom I consider close and important to me. I still do not know what the true definition of family is which is part of the reason why I find it hard to commit to anybody. I didn't get to work out at the gym today, but maybe I will be able to go tomorrow after work. I will enter something tomorrow.

poeticnjustice

"reality is not only understood
by people who realizes its purpose,
but also to those who accept it"
Poeticnjustice 10/18/04

Waiting

Right now, I am waiting on my judge to resume my docket. That means that I have to skip lunch to wait around on him. I am in between not caring about my job anymore and being sympathetic to victims. I have left work with more headaches than I have in my entire life and I am at a boiling point.