Facts

Why is it that people can not accept their faults? Everybody loves to point the finger at everyone else, but no one wants to stand up and say, "I was wrong." My mother who was in a car accident refuses to admit that she simply did not see the oncoming vihecle. She has had her mouth poked out ever since. She really should be happy no one was killed considering the road she was on.

Why do black people constantly blame other people for their shortcomings? I was at my best friend house for her daughter's first birthday and a healty conversation sparked. Practically every black man in the room wanted to blame someone else for their lack of success. Everyone has choices. You can either listen to someone put you down and believe it or you can hear them and prove them wrong. I think black men suffer with this most.

Why do black men think they have so much time to get their life together? For the most part, all balck men want to do is hang out with their "boys", drink and jump from woman to woman. And by the time they turn thirty, that's when they want to take life seriously and get pissed off when they can't find anything paying more than minimum wage. Its as if they don't get a clue until its too late.

Why do black women think its cute to walk aroung looking like tramps? Too many of our young black females walk around, half dressed, no education, quick to fight, can't finish a sentence and worst of all............they have children with them that is soaking in all of this negativity!!!! Black females are causing our youth to think its okay to expose yourself. And black men have our youth thinking its okay to be a thug.

When will it end????

Learning Too Late

On Wednesday, I did jury selection for an attempted murder trial. I did not do as good as I would have liked to. Again, I did not feel a connection with the jury. Once we got down to the second panel and then the third, the jurors were tired and crabby. Most people do not understand that this is a process, and we can not reveal anything about the facts of the case. The next day was opening statements, which I gave, and then witnesses for the State. I didn't think my opening was good and we ended the day on a bad witness which I was trying to avoid. Friday we did not accomplish anything because of a witness the defense counsel wanted who was out of town so the judge released the jury for the day. I feel as though the jury is upset and I feel as though they are not looking at us in a good light. My biggest fear is that we will get a not guilty and I am not going to take that well at all because it is a winable case and my victims deserve to win. I have been vomiting behind this case, not sleeping, not eating, and my nerves are so bad, its unbelievable. The trial will resume on Monday, and I have two separate victims in two separate cases who are fussing at me because I can not take their matter to trial on Monday. Eventhough they know I am in an attempted murder trial, all they could say was,"what about my matter?" I don't know how much more I can take. This job monopolizes all of my time, and all I get from every angle is criticism and complaint. Nobody sees what I do as a prosecutor day in and day out and it is hard to prepare adequately for everything on the docket day after day. Ultimately this contributes to my feeling inadequate and nonproductive. God help me....

My First

Today I lost my first jury trial. I sat second chair. It didn't bother me the way I thought it would. In fact, I viewed it as another matter off of the docket. Tomorrow I start my first attempted second degree murder trial. That one I am nervous about. I really want to do good for my victims. I have paid more attention to this case than any other case thus far. Sometimes I feel inadequate, but I will put on my game face and keep moving. I was in court all day. It only took the jury 15 minutes to deliberate. I didn't feel a connection with the jury like I normally do. This panel just didn't give me that vibe I was looking for. The trial today was only a possession of crack. The good thing is the defendant walked away without a felony conviction. Maybe that is justice. Considering he doesn't have a felony conviction hanging over his head to impede his life.
"If I can not enjoy living
one precious minute
within 24 hours, then why
am I living?"

poeticnjustice 10/19/04

About Me

I am a single woman, thirty years old, no children. I sometimes enjoy my life as a single woman, but I oftentimes think I should be more interested in being a wife/mother. My outlook on life and people is negative. I have taken a negative viewpoint only because of my experiences and my job. My time is very limited and I am consumed with other people problems. People whom I don't even know. The hardest thing is trying to maintain and survive just one day, then finding the energy to get up and do it all over the next day. I often feel like my life is whizzing by and I am not having an opportunity to slow down and enjoy it. There are only a few people in my life whom I consider close and important to me. I still do not know what the true definition of family is which is part of the reason why I find it hard to commit to anybody. I didn't get to work out at the gym today, but maybe I will be able to go tomorrow after work. I will enter something tomorrow.

poeticnjustice

"reality is not only understood
by people who realizes its purpose,
but also to those who accept it"
Poeticnjustice 10/18/04

Waiting

Right now, I am waiting on my judge to resume my docket. That means that I have to skip lunch to wait around on him. I am in between not caring about my job anymore and being sympathetic to victims. I have left work with more headaches than I have in my entire life and I am at a boiling point.