New Year and New Things

Happy New Year to everybody first of all. My new year celebration was with my family on both ends. I have never done that before. It has always been with one family or the other. But come to think of it, I don't recall ever spending the new year in Mississippi. On New Year's Eve, I went by my maw maw's house. It felt strange at first. I hadn't been in the house since my paw paw died August 22,2004 (my sister's birthday). Everytime I passsed his bed, I felt an empty spot. I pray my maw maw made it through. Later that night, my mom and I went by my sister's house to bring in the new year. On New Year's day, I went by my mudea in Mississippi. I slept so well it was refreshing. It was quiet as usual and it was a joy to be around my cousins. Well, I have slowly moved things into my new place. Tonight I washed a few dishes and put a few things in place. I must admit, it was the peace that I was so desparately looking for. It felt so right being in my own place again. I was able to play my jazz cd's and just relax while I worked around the apartment. I still have a few boxes to clear out, but that will come with time. The only thing I am waiting for are my matresses to be delivered which will come on Wednesday. That will be my first night there. Back to sleeping in the nude. Life is great!!!! I have one more week out of court, but I have a ton of things to prepare. The only thing I will miss is the leizure time I was able to spend with my best friend. She and I had lunch whenever we could and I really loved that. I am truly blessed to have a friend like her. She is really like a sister to me considering she knows more about me than any family member of mine and I love her to death. She will definitely get a key to the crib. My friend was suppose to come over and help me put my bookcase together. He and I spoke over the weekend and he offered his help to me since I was moving. I told him I may need his assistance with the bookcase that I have. He said okay and offered to help move any furniture. I told him the only things that I had to move were boxes and that my furniture would be delivered. He kept offering his assistance though and told me to call him. I tried to put my bookcase together myself and I didn't call him. I didn't call him for two reasons. One, I figured I'd try to put the bookcase together myself before I ask for help and two, a part of me was just hoping that he would call on his own initiative which would have said a lot to me. He didn't call so I figured he didn't really want to help. Now the flip side to that is, since I didn't call him, he probably thought I didn't need help or that I wasn't even at the apartment because I told him that I hadn't officially moved in yet. Then there is always that side of me that thinks as soon as everything is together, that's when he will want to come by and needless to say spend the night. My mind is telling me that I will be used and it prevents me from even attempting to call him. A part of me wants to try to work towards a relationship with him because of surrounding circumstances and pressure being placed on me by family members. But there is another side that is saying since the sex is good, leave it at that coupled with the fact that I don't think he wants to be in a relationship with me. Its a hard call to make. Maybe I am thinking to hard about it. Anyway, I have to go to sleep. Will write soon...