Not Sure

For over a week now the only conclusion I have come to is that I am angry. I am so angry that I can't even put it in words to express myself. I have tried to put it behind me, out of my mind, and out of my heart. It keeps replaying. I am more so angry with myself because I feel like its my fault. All I had to do was say no to his question over the phone. I must admit I did not imagine anything like that would happen. My conscience is telling me to approach the situation face to face. I have thought about retaliation, but the ultimate sacrifice if something goes wrong is my license to practice. I don't want to do anything legally because I don't want that much information about me out in the open. Maybe that contributes to my frustration. I am in a position of asserting punishment and can not do anything out of fear. A little voice tells me to let God handle it, but for some reason that isn't good enough. I honestly want to kill someone. I have never really trusted anyone and now that is shot to hell. All my life I have tried to ignore what I was taught as it relates to trust but that person was absolutely right. You can't trust anybody. I don't want to meet anybody, I don't want to go out and I don't want to place myself in any other wrong situations. I feel like I have no options. Everyone at work asks me what is wrong because I have this attitude that I can not shake. I can't sleep at night without thinking about this shit and I find myself punching my pillow in the middle of the night because I am just that angry. All I want is a way out and my peace of mind. Why is it that they have to take everything from me at once leaving me with nothing to build again. They make me question everything about myself, my job, my life, my purpose and everything is grim. I truly hate this person. I don't normally say I hate people. But I find more so now that people are selfish and self serving. I wish I could find some place and just hide. I feel like I don't fit in nor do I want to. I hate myself for being stupid and wish I could erase everything. But no one is that fortunate.