Dreams

Lately I have been having these nightmares that have been keeping me awake at night and as a result, I don't feel safe in my apartment anymore. The most recent one I had was Wednesday night/Thursday morning. The first dream I had involved me, my sister and my nephew. We were in a store and we lost sight of my nephew. When we found him, all I could think about was that someone molested him in that short period of time. I woke up from that dream and had another one. The next dream entailed me helping a friend of my dad whom my dad has known before I was born. So needless to say, I have known this friend of the family for 31 years. In the dream I was helping him with something legal and somehow we wound up by ourselves and he was trying to rape me. I woke up from that dream and then had another one. That dream involved this guy that I am prosecuting for rape putting a gun to my head trying to rob me. I woke up from that dream and when I fell asleep, I woke up to a woman screaming. Who the woman was or why she was screaming I have no idea. Last night when I sleeping, I heard someone knocking on the door to one of my neighbors apartment. For some reason, my mind thought someone could have been knocking on my door and trying to get in. My heart started racing and I started sweating because all I could see was him at my door trying to get in. All I want to do is step away from what I do on a daily basis. I want to come to work, sit at a desk and leave at five o'clock. I just want to think and help myself get back on track. But that is the hardest thing in the world right now. I go through these moments when I get pissed off with everything and everybody and I am tired of that shit. I don't trust people because of what I do and I don't trust men because of what happened. I feel like I am fucking retarded!