A Day Away

Today I stayed home from work. I woke up and just didn't feel like going. I decided to sleep for the most part but when I got up, I did something unexpected. I decided to call someone and get counseling. I know yesterday I wrote something totally different, but something made me change my mind. The lady I spoke with appears to be nice and attentive. It was the first affirmative response that I have received from an outside influence. She understood more than I anticipated. There were a few things that I was unconfortable about because of what I do for a living but she coached me through it and made me feel as though I wasn't stupid. My sessions are on Mondays at four o'clock. There is a payscale involved but from what I saw it isn't anywhere near the outlandish prices I was quoted. It is a one on one session and I think it may do some good. She asked a lot of questions about my history with my family and men. I noticed she raised an eyebrow to a few things I said but she took detailed notes. I really do hope this can help me sort through a lot of things in my life. She noted that I show signs of mild depression. She explained to me that it wasn't anything bad and that depression is more prevalent than we think. Not that I am on the verge of suicide, but there is a mild level present. Tomorrow I anticipate being in a trial so hopefully I will be able to focus on what is important. So I played hookie today. Did I spell that right (hookie)? Anywho, I told my therapist that my support group consisted of my best friend, my sister and a cousin of mine. More so my best friend. She absolutely means the world to me. If she needed my life to survive I would give it to her no questions asked. It melts my heart everytime I see her child. She will be two this October and she is so smart. I think she has an ideal of who I am. I love it when she comes running to me and starts to talk some baby talk. Whatever it is she is saying is music to my ears. I feel like she is my daughter as well. Only thing is I don't have to change any diapers or clean up any messes she may make. Maybe someday I too will explore the joys (and pains) of motherhood. But I think I have to sort through this dark room to find the light switch first then maybe I will stop bumping into all of these walls. Later.....