My Day Helping Out

Today I started my 24 hour shift for the office. Why we are working such long shifts, I do not know. I also found out today that the top official will soon make determinations on who to keep and who to cut. I don't know how I feel about that because I can look at this in two ways. If they keep me, then maybe I am supposed to stay in the city. If they let me go, perhaps this is an opportunity to look somewhere else and start over. I saw my sisters house yesterday. Completely messed up. Nothing salvageable, though her husband took a few pictures. My dad couldn't even get in his house because the furniture was tossed around inside blocking the doors. But he was able to look inside and noticed it was a mess and probably nothing savageable either. I could not get to my apartment. There was still three or four feet of standing water. I am sure there is nothing savageable in there either considering it is right there by Lake Ponchatrain. Being back in the city has aroused some frustration and uncertainty. Being here has made me realized how much I have lost, and how much things will never be the same. I may never be the same. Everytime I think about what I have gone through so far this year gets me a little choked up. Quite frankly, I really don't want to talk about it to anyone. I am beginning to feel that pain inside that is so deep that it is embedded in my stomach and it gives me chills just thinking about my year. When I think about it, its just me. Everyone else I know has someone to start over with. I have other friends who lost some things but not everything. I have lost everything and I feel like I am truly in the battle by myself. I think for the most part, there is a portion of me that feels as though it isn't even worth starting over. Mentally I feel like I don't want to deal with it. The more I write, the more I feel like crying. I will end now.....