To My Surprise

Today I decided to call my friend in Minnesota. I was concerned about him because he didn't sound too happy yesterday when I spoke with him. Today he sounded a little better but he admitted to being homesick. He said he would probably stay there for about six months and then come home. I will give him another month to see if he changes his mind because a lot can happen between now and six months. Don't get me wrong, I would like to see him come home, but people lives take certain paths that we as humans don't expect. Life just kind of sneaks up on us without us actually looking for certain things or people. After about thirty minutes into the conversation, I decided to say goodnight to him. Before I said goodnight, he told me that hopefully next week he will have his own apartment and proceeded to say that maybe I can come there sometime next week. Now when I suggested to him that I would fly out to visit him I didn't think he would take me seriously. In fact, I wasn't even going to bring it up again because I didn't want to eat the cost of an airline ticket. After I paused, he stated he would pay half of the ticket. Which I thought was a nice gesture considering he and I are both somewhat in between jobs thanks to Hurricane Katrina. I told him once he gets his place, we will make arrangements then. He said okay then, goodnight sugar and hung up the phone. Now one side of me was saying maybe he really wants to see me and then another side was saying maybe he is just bored and needs company. I want to see him but I am afraid that maybe his desire to see me is not the same as my desire to see him. I am afraid that if I go, I may come back still only a friend. I truly see how now may not be the time to talk about relationships considering everything that is going on in our lives, but there is a part of me that wants more, but I just can't say it for some reason. So much is going through my head. I am too busy thinking that because of what happened in February maybe that is why I am considering all of this. I am also thinking maybe I want a relationship because of my age. But maybe, just maybe, there is a side of me that is yearning to experience something more than just sex or a friendship. Just maybe there is a side of me that wants to see if two people can experience something so meaningful and private that the public sees it without words being spoken. Maybe I want to experience love for a change.