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Monday, November 28, 2005
Progress?
Today my counselor told me that she thought I made progress since I have been meeting with her. I disagreed of course. She said the progress is I know why I am feeling the way I feel and that I am able to go directly to what causes me to think the way I think or react to things the way I do. I have always known what my problems were or are, I just need to know how to change them. I have never been more confused in my life. All this time, I have been raised to get a career and not rely on a man for anything and now that I have the career, I don't know what to achieve next. A part of me has always wanted to be in a relationship but I am no good at them. Largely because of how my mother raised me. I guess I am no good with interacting on that level. Now being faced with trying to get over this traumatic experience, it is even harder to interact with men. I am so confused I don't know what to do nor do I know what to think. I purchased the Wellbutrin despite the price. I haven't started taking it though. I have been on this drinking kick. I guess because it helps me forget about things and relax more. I know that isn't good. Not to mention I have been down that road before and I have tried hard not to go through that door again, but in recent times it has been hard. I think I am taking some steps backwards not forward. February 13th will be around again and not much will have changed. I am told I should not put things on a time table because healing takes time, but I am accustomed to dealing with the problem or not dealing with it and moving on. I will get it together. I just need to figure out how. Take care all...
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I have known so many people who have what seems to be a wonderful job and as it turns out they really are not happy at all. I was the same way. I was in the insurance business and did well but there was constant pressure to sell sell sell. I got to the point where I just could not take it any more and thats when I decided to try something I had always wanted to and as it turns out for me I have never looked back. I love my job and make a wonderful living. I was talking to a guy at a motorcycle shop who I have talked with a few times and I asked him last weekend how he came to do what he does and it was very much the same as me. He did very well in the corperate world but was under alot of stress and for him it was making him sick so he left his job grew a pony tail and sold motorcycles. All of this to say sure you have to make a living no question but I also think you should like your job and be happy. I know for me that took care of alot of other problems. Now for some people its really not something they can do but it worked out for me.Belive me I have had times in my own life where I have been very confused and not had a clue what to do its very very frustrating.
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