Today's Work

Today was my first trial in over a month. The charge was possession with the intent to distribute heroin and possession with the intent to distribute cocaine. The jury came back with an attempt on both charges. I had fun I must admit and it felt good trying the case today. I have a lot of shit on the docket tomorrow that I am not ready for, but I will try to navigate through the waters. Till then....

A Day Away

Today I stayed home from work. I woke up and just didn't feel like going. I decided to sleep for the most part but when I got up, I did something unexpected. I decided to call someone and get counseling. I know yesterday I wrote something totally different, but something made me change my mind. The lady I spoke with appears to be nice and attentive. It was the first affirmative response that I have received from an outside influence. She understood more than I anticipated. There were a few things that I was unconfortable about because of what I do for a living but she coached me through it and made me feel as though I wasn't stupid. My sessions are on Mondays at four o'clock. There is a payscale involved but from what I saw it isn't anywhere near the outlandish prices I was quoted. It is a one on one session and I think it may do some good. She asked a lot of questions about my history with my family and men. I noticed she raised an eyebrow to a few things I said but she took detailed notes. I really do hope this can help me sort through a lot of things in my life. She noted that I show signs of mild depression. She explained to me that it wasn't anything bad and that depression is more prevalent than we think. Not that I am on the verge of suicide, but there is a mild level present. Tomorrow I anticipate being in a trial so hopefully I will be able to focus on what is important. So I played hookie today. Did I spell that right (hookie)? Anywho, I told my therapist that my support group consisted of my best friend, my sister and a cousin of mine. More so my best friend. She absolutely means the world to me. If she needed my life to survive I would give it to her no questions asked. It melts my heart everytime I see her child. She will be two this October and she is so smart. I think she has an ideal of who I am. I love it when she comes running to me and starts to talk some baby talk. Whatever it is she is saying is music to my ears. I feel like she is my daughter as well. Only thing is I don't have to change any diapers or clean up any messes she may make. Maybe someday I too will explore the joys (and pains) of motherhood. But I think I have to sort through this dark room to find the light switch first then maybe I will stop bumping into all of these walls. Later.....

Back Again

Hello to all. I have been away from my message board. Not too much has been happening, but I have been surviving. I am looking forward to the end of July. I am going to spend a week in Sandestin for a conference. The resort looks beautiful on the website. It would be my luck if a hurricane comes the week we are scheduled to go. Mentally I have been fine. I am starting to think about dating again. I am not too comfortable with it, but I am slowly making progress. Last weekend, I let my friend spend the night. We had sex, which was good but I think I am interested in "new sex" now. I think I am getting bored with him. At one point everything he did in bed turned me on. Now its just okay. There were a few men this past weekend that slipped their numbers to me. None of them are anyone that I would be interested in formulating a relationship with, but I think I am curious enough to have something physical with them for a little while. A few people have asked me how my therapy is coming along. I honestly could not answer because I have stopped going. I hate that person who sits in that group and becomes more and more angry. I don't want to deal with that person because she is depressed. So I have to say goodbye to her and move on. Will chat soon........

The Ole Switch-A-Roo

My friend was moved out of her section of court after being placed in contempt and practically arrested. The deputy just wasn't fast enough to catch her. The office moved around almost every trial attorney for the most part. I have been moved to a different section of court. My judge gets all kinds of media attention. Not to mention, my previous judge was not too fond of him. But I am content with the move. I feel far less pressure and stress now. I don't think I will request another section of court. If I stay any longer, I may request to be moved to another division in the office. I don't like the idea of laterally moving. I don't think there is anything left in the office for me to achieve. I feel like I have reached the highest climbing point for any attorney there. The only other thing would be supervisor over a particular division in the office and I am sure that would require my staying far longer than what I have been there. A popular defense lawyer asked me if I would consider joining his firm. I told him I would call him. Somehow my supervisor found out about that. I don't know how, but she commented. I am not sure if I want to make that move. I am not all too comfortable with the idea of working for him. Something about him just doesn't seem right to me. If I have that feeling, that is usually an indication that I need to let it go right past me. This weekend has been good to me. I have to finish working on a writ that is due tomorrow. Mentally I have been okay. I have a pet fish now and for some reason, his presence makes me feel as though I am not alone in my apartment. I really do like my pet a lot. I named him Nemo. He is sooooo cute!!!! He is red and blue and he likes to eat. He floats towards me when I approach his fish bowl and he just stares at me as if he is saying feed me seymore. (for anyone who has ever watched little shop of horrors) But overall, I love my new pet. Now if I could just get the rest of the apartment in order everything would be fine.