An Interesting Week

The great news is my best friend finally paid her cell phone bill. Now we can call each other mobile to mobile free of charge. Other than that, my friend from Brooklyn is coming in town to see me. He and I will drive to Atlanta for a few days, in a car that he has rented for us for the weekend, and then we will drive back to New Orleans in enough time to spend a day or two in New Orleans just before he flies out. When I told him that I didn't have the money to fly there, he decided to fly out here to see me. I must admit that I am happy that I will be seeing him. But at the same expense, I am a little nervous. I have been having anxiety attacks at night and hadn't been sleeping at all. I think in the back of my mind I am on edge because of all that has happened to me. Not to mention the week he is coming will make the one year mark of an incident that changed my life. I really want to be comfortable around him and not worry about what someone else did to me. I certainly don't want him to think that I am crazy. I guess I am just trying to be who I was before the incident. I want to enjoy life and not feel like I am still allowing him to control me with the thought of what he did to me. Brooklyn has always made me feel comfortable. In fact when I met him, I felt drawn to him. Last night when we spoke on the phone, we laughed and joked. Really good conversation. I think what is putting me on edge is what I will do if the moment comes when we are intimate. I would hate to have a flashback or one of my anxiety moments right in front of him. Maybe I just need to calm down and think things through. I think I will tell him what I am experiencing in terms of my comfort level and maybe he will decide to stay in the city if that would make me more comfortable. Who knows. I just want to feel like I am normal again.