My Session Yesterday

Yesterday I opened up far more than what I anticipated. I talked about a side of me that I didn't like at all, I talked about my drinking, I talked about losing everything in the storm. I truly opened up. I must admit my counselor is clever. She asked the right questions to get the answers she was soliciting. The answers I needed to hear myself say and realize. I am supposed to work on a goal. I have to select something about myself that I want to improve. I think she wants me to work on my self esteem. The self esteem will probably help me view things and myself differently. I truly hate the person I am. I hate the fact that I can not be sincere when it comes to men. I hate the fact that I have listened to my mother all these years and have used men for sex only. I hate the fact that I drink to hide my fears or be able to better deal with things or not deal with them at all. I hate the fact that after the rape the storm took everything else from me leaving me feeling like I have no faith in myself and feeling like I am doubting God. I have so much confusion going inside of me that I don't know if I like living anymore. But I believe my sessions are going well. I hope I will stregthen mentally and physically. Till then....