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Wednesday, January 18, 2006
No More Psychiatry
Needless to say my visit with the psychiatrist did not go well today. I told her that I had not been taking either of the medicine because I felt more compelled to drink and I knew that it would be useless to take the medicine. However, before I went into her office, I decided that I would select a goal to keep in compliance with what my counselor asked me to do. The psychiatrist asked me how much I drink and I told her. She also asked me if I wanted to take the medicine. I told her no. She said that she could not help me and that it didn't make sense for me to see her if I wasn't going to take the medicine. My thoughts exactly. I didn't see the sense in spending the money if I wasn't going to take the medicine. But what I didn't expect her to say was that I was going to become a "non-functioning alcoholic" and that "it will be a year in February and nothing will have changed." I already know that I am coming upon an anniversary as it relates to the rape. And I know that drinking is not the answer which is why I decided to tell my counselor about it on my own initiative. I want change. I also understand that psychiatrist typically use that reverse psychology shit to make people think. But I think the harsh tone doesn't work for everybody. All it did was push me away right when I was actually considering the medicine. I am not mad at her. I am more so mad at myself for reasons that I can't put in words right now. What I do know is that I am content with speaking with my counselor without having to take the medicine. Maybe the medicine isn't what I need right now. That's not to say that it doesn't help anybody. I just don't think it is helping me right now. That may change in time, but I have to reach that revelation the same way I decided to make my goal not drinking so much. One step at a time right? The psychiatrist asked me if I wanted to see her in three weeks. I told her no. After that I went out with co-workers and drank. I am hoping tomorrow I will be in a better frame of mind. Till then.....
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2 comments:
Sometimes I think its good just to let the anger out. It gets all built up inside. I have never been one to be able to do that. I just drive down the road and talk to myself and the when it come to dealing with the real issue most of the time I dont. I let the anger build up and 99% of the time just blow it off. That is no way to do it. Drinking well that is how alot of the people I know deal with it. I dont think its best for sure and I dont belive you do either. I do think its good to keep seeing your counseler at least you can open up to them and not have to fear some type of rejection.
I will keep in mind what you have written trucker. I know that drinking is not the best answer and I am dealing with that in a positive way. My counselor told me to set a goal, and I have selected to not drink as much if at all. The next time I go to counseling will be on Monday. The psychiatrist really pissed me of though. Someone should tell her that reverse psychology does not work well with everybody when its delivered in such a condecending tone.
Hello to johneytaft2660. I checked in with your blog. I found the post about the married couple to be interesting. I couldn't leave a comment though. I will check with you later dear.
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