How I See Myself

As usual I attended my therapy session today. While we discussed some things relating to what I would like to change about myself, we did an exercise today. I was asked to close my eyes, relax, breathe in and out and think about the waves on a shore and as each wave came in, think about myself getting stronger. After that, she asked me to visualize myself and then asked me to see myself as a bed of roses. I told her that I didn't see a bed of roses. She asked why not and I told her because roses are synonymous with beauty and reproduction and that isn't how I see myself. She asked how did I see myself. I told her as music. She asked why of course and I told her because music is a language not everyone understands and people are often times intimidated by the way it looks. It isn't pretty to eye but it becomes interesting or beautiful when people either listen to it or play it. She found that comment interesting. She asked if I thought many people understood me and I told her no. She also asked if there was anyone who I wanted to understand me and I told her my friend in Minnesota. Deep down inside I truly feel like there was potential for he and I, but because my ex-boyfriend clouded my mind coupled with my mom's teachings, I just didn't want to get hurt and I only spent time with him when I wanted to have sex. I truly feel like I botched things up. That isn't to say he doesn't have his hang-ups, but I think I could have been a better woman. I just wish he could see who I truly am and make a decision from that. I spoke with him yesterday and he informed me that he may come into town. He also apologized for not keeping in touch with me the way he said he should have, and further explained that he just needed some space to sort through things. I told him that I understood because I eased up on calling him for the same reason. NYC occupied my attention; largely out of curiosity, but in the back of my mind all I could think about was my friend in Minnesota. I will continue to keep my distance from the dating scene, but should Minnesota come into town, I would like to see him.