Influences

There are so many things in life that influence us and help shape who we are. Some of those influences are positive; others are negative. But what about the influences that you don't pay attention to. Those are the ones that truly shape who we are. Through counseling, I have realized that there are things that happened to me that I really didn't pay attention to. I never realized just how much control my mother has over me and I never realized how much I worry about what other people think. While I have tried to have my own mind, I now realize that my decisions have been based on decisions already made by my mother. If Ididn't go to a dance in high school, it was because I knew the answer would be no because my parents couldn't afford to buy me a dress/outfit. If I didn't go out on a date, it was because I knew my mother wouldn't trust the guy I wanted to go out with. I have neglected to do things because I know my mother would disapprove of those things. I have never thought that I was attractive because of how my mother would criticize my appearance. But through it all, I give my mother kudos. Why? Because she did what she could with what she had and she raised me the best way she knew how. She could have let the streets raise me. She could have dropped me off on family members. She could have let me go through school without teaching me a damn thing. She is the reason why I am an attorney today. Some things she taught me I will take with me. Others I will not take with me. I will learn to draw the line and set the boundaries. Hopefully this will help me truly find who I am.