Not So Simple

To say love is a natural thing that is basically free to us all, it sure as hell isn't simple. Why is it that two people can't be honest with each other about how they feel without fear or intimidation? Why is it that the people we love so much hurt us the most? Why is it that we allow our past experiences or someone else's experience to dictate how we proceed with our own relationships or love interest. I had the hardest time telling someone last night that I missed him and I was glad to see him. I was too scared to even get close enough to hug him or look into his eyes. I would look at him and catch him staring at me and then he would look away. I guess he could have been asking himself what he ever saw in me or just simply saw something that was not so attractive to him. But he also could have been feeling the same way I felt. And if that is the case, neither one of us wanted to go out on that limb. He and I have always been open about our feelings for each other when he were intimate. Those conversations would come up before or after sex and he was the one who would bring them up. The last time we expressed how much we wanted to see each other was when katrina separated us. So much time has lasped since then and I don't want to tread into something and he may not feel the same way anymore. I wanted to hug him more than anything last night and tell him how much I missed him. I am hoping he feels the same. I also didn't get too close last night because he had a cold and I know he doesn't like to be around others when he has cold. I didn't want to cross any barriers and make him feel uncomfortable or that I was invading his space. I don't know what to say or do. However, if we continue to remain silent, we both could be missing out on one of the simple things in life called love.