It's Over, Moving On

So Ray Nagin won. Not that I am happy, but I can't do anything about it now. I voted for the other candidate who lost by a slight margin. All we can do now is sit back and see what unfolds over the next four years. Other than that, I am moving into a new place in the city. I will be living with my sister and her husband in an apartment until they finish rebuilding their home. I believe that may be a matter of months before their home is finished, but one thing I have realized over the past few days is that I want to buy a home. I am tired of apartments and not investing in myself. The only thing is I don't know where I want to live in the city. I would like to build my home. At least that way I know I will get what I want. If a pay raise is in my future as the office and the legislature says it is, then I will truly start looking for a home.

There is nothing new on the dating scene for me. I think that is largely because neither myself or my friend is trying to do anything to tread those waters. I am not pushing or promoting anything. For some reason, everything still feels uncertain in this city. For the most part, people I know are not to sure if they want to settle hear. My friend has stated that if things didn't change for him in terms of a job then he is California bound. I certainly can't blame him. There is no stability here for anybody right now. I have a pretty safe job than the next person.. One thing we can count on in my field is crime. Sad to say but it pays the bills for many of us. If he leaves then I wish him well. If he stays, then I wish him well. For the most part, I think he wants to relocate to California. As for me, I am not sure what I want. He and I have gone out and had fun, but I am so damn back and forth when it comes to men and relationships its ridiculous.

The job is the same. I haven't moved to the homicide division yet. Everyone keeps asking me about it and congradulating me on the move. There is so much work to do on those files and I am sure the families of the victims are upset that no one is working on their files. The office moved into a new building. Its in a good location but its not near the courthouse. I am looking forward to the homicide position. I just hope I do well and look good on the camera. (smile at that one)

Therapy is still going good. I might be making some major break throughs. Time will tell. On Tuesday I will start an exercise to begin talking through what happened in order to accept what happened and not let it run my life. There are some other things I want to talk to my counselor about. I will write about that later. Oh and before I go. Guess what I had an opportunity to do the other day? I hadn't done it in so long it felt soooo goooood. I mean the thought alone had me anxious to do it. Yes I shopped for clothes. Why what did you think I was talking about? I have three suits for court. Hopefully I will be able to buy more since this is a holiday weekend. But for those of you who have a dirty mind and thought I was talking about something else, I wasn't as fortunate to do that. Hopefully that day will come soon too.

Have a good one.......

Fears

What do you fear most? For the most part, I believe we fear the unknown. I know that I am person who does not adapt well to change nor do I embrace it. In the office, there has been so much pressure coming at me to start reading the homicide files. The only problem is I am not officially in homicide. Over the weeks, I have had time to change my mind because I like the cozy spot that I am in. I run my own section, I have a great junior trial attorney, and I can pretty much come and go as I please. But there is something deep down inside that is telling me don't become complacent. If I did, I wouldn't be any different than the people who decide to live off of the government. I would be serving into the type of personality that would not benefit me; which is somebody who wants to hide behind the scenes. And I certainly wouldn't be doing anything to benefit my legal career or my resume. So to answer my question what do I fear most. The answer is myself. I am my biggest challenge because I fight myself on so many issues. I over think and I worry over what isn't my reality. I was walking from the car tonight thinking about the conversation I had with my current chief of trials and he gave me the best advice for my legal career. He told me to base my decisions on what is best for me, not the next person. I realized in our conversation that he wouldn't help me back out or let me ease my way out. And he certainly wouldn't be selfish enough to make the decision to keep me. The ball is in my court and I can either pass or play. So what I have decided to do is put my fears aside and move up in the ranks of the office. I think I owe that much to myself.

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone who is a mother. Not all of us are fortunate to be the recipient of such adoration, but I am not complaining however. I enjoyed spending time with my mom and grandmother as well as other relatives. I had fun, joked and played. It was truly a day of celebration. To top it off, I spoke with my friend when I got home and he offered to drive all the way to Kenner to help me unload the stuff out of the car. I told him thanks but my dad was home so there was no need for him to drive all the way here. However I did ask him if he would help me move into my new apartment and he said no problem. Our relationship has been a little different than what it was. We joke with each other more often now, we call each other a little more frequently, and we express what we are thinking or how we may be feeling about each other. For the longest, the only thing between him and I was just sex. I have wanted to show him a different side of me so that he can make a determination of whether I am someone he can be in a relationship with. Since he has been home, we haven't had sex. I guess that is largely because neither one of us has our privacy. But to me that's a good thing. Right now, we just go out and enjoy ourselves. I hope I am making some progress with him. Not that I am trying to jump into a relationship, but I would like to develop a stronger friendship and see where things go between he and I. I was talking to my mom about him and she asked if that was the one she met. I said yeah. Then she said but he's short. Don't get me wrong. He is about 5'5 or 5'6 but I have no problem with that. Hell I'm 5'3. I was hoping she would have said something else about him considering she is constantly asking me if I am dating somebody. He was very nice to her. Granted they have never held a conversation but I thought the first impression was the last impression. My best friend had good things to say about him for the most part and she's a pretty good judge of character. Anyway both of us want to introduce each other to our families. I am a little skeptical about him having a conversation with my mom. She hates all men.(But that's another story) Anyway I have to get ready for court tomorrow morning. Hopefully the office will hire some new people this week and then I will move to the homicide unit. I will save that story for another blog day. Goodnight friends....

My New Friend

So I have finally done it. I have been saying I want a dog since the storm hit and yesterday I went to the SPCA to adopt one. She is a Shepard mix (with what I don't know), brown and black, weighs 35 pounds and is two years old. The lady at the SPCA said that she isn't going to get any bigger. I hope not. She is so sweet and well trained. It is completely obvious that she came from a home. I am wondering if she misses her home. She is so quiet and when they go to get her out of the cage, she backs aways in fear. I was so drawn to her. I told her to sit and she sat. The bad new is she has heartworms. I don't know how advanced it is but I am hoping she can be cured. The SPCA will do all it can to help me and I am seeking aid from a nationwide pet agency that gives money to organizations and private citizens in emergency situations. Hopefully they will give me a grant to help with the cost of the medicine. I really want to adopt her and they said they would hold her for me. She was on the list to be put to sleep because they have had her since January of this year. The SPCA found her after the storm along with thousands of other animals. Why she was left behind, I don't know. But I want to keep her. My mom said she and my dad would help with the cost so I am happy. I am so anxious to adopt her. Keep your fingers crossed.