What Will Happen Will Happen

After the game today, I decided to drive to Mississippi to see my grandmother. I hadn't visited since my cousin's funeral and I figured it was time to see my family. My grandmother is fine and I am certainly happy for that. I visited my aunt who lost her daughter a little over a month ago, and needless to say she isn't doing well. I am truly hoping that she, her husband and their youngest daughter get counseling. The oldest daughter is living in Arkansas and to my surprise has decided to get counseling. I was relieved to hear that. She explained to me that she has anxiety and an ulcer. I told her not to shrug off the medicine and told her I am taking effexor, xanax, and lunesta. She said she would consider it now. She also asked me not to tell anyone in the family, which I won't. We briefly talked about things and she expressed how she thinks everybody blames her for her sister's death. I asked her if she thinks everyone blames her, or does she blame herself. She said the latter. I explained to her how I didn't think it was her fault. She wasn't there, she didn't get the guy drunk, she didn't hand him the keys, she didn't have complete disregard for other people in the car, and most importantly, she didn't tell her sister to get in the car. Those were decisions that were made by other people without any input from her. Those were decisions she could not control nor influence. Everybody in that car made their own decisions that night. I told her I didn't blame. Sure if it were not for her knowing him, perhaps he would not have crossed her sister's path. Who's to say? I also told her not to blame herself for knowing him because it appears to me that he used her little sister to have a vicarious relationship with her. She told me that it makes sense when I put it that way, but she just can't bring herself to feel that way. I told her it would take some time, but she has to get to a point where she stops blaming herself. I also told her that she does not owe anyone an apology including her parents. She didn't kill their child. His actions led to her sister's demise. If anything, he owe them an apology. My cousin went on to say that she finds it hard to pray to God because no matter how much a person prays and ask God to watch over people, whatever will happen, will happen. As a result, she finds herself not praying much. I told her I couldn't offer any help in that department, because I feel the same way. I believe in God, but I think there is such a thing called fate. And no matter how many times a person prays, the inevitable will take place. I think my relationship with God is more on the level of "please help me get through whatever is going to happen" type attitude. I believe God can bring people through things, I believe things happen for a reason, and I think there are lessons to be learned while we are on this earth. None of us are immune from pain, no matter how strong our faith is. Death is synonymous to life in my opinion. I just pray that I don't blame or hate God for anyhing, despite what the outcome will be.