Truth Of The Matter

For the past two weeks, I have been frustrated with my thought process and people. Last week, I fussed with a defense lawyer about a homicide file that is four years old and is no where near trial. I left work with a headache, upset stomach, and everytime I spoke I could feel the muscles in my throat pulling. That same week, I followed a defendant and approached her about a personal comment she passed about me after court. Ordinarily I would have ignored her, but I just couldn't let it pass. Also in that week, I fussed at another motorist who was making an illegal turn, but she wanted to show me where I was wrong. Slowly but surely I am getting fed up with something. What that something is, I don't know. All I know is that it is becoming extremely difficult to just let things roll of my back or simply ignore things and people. I am tired of not being able to sleep at night because my body has adapted to the sleeping pills prescribed to me. I am tired of constantly telling myself to not let my job dictate how I view people. And most importantly I am tired of telling myself to stop thinking about being raped. It doesn't matter where I am, what I am doing, what I am watching, or who I am talking to. This shit just constantly runs through my head like a cross country marathon, and I honestly feel like no one understands my frustration. I am tired of explaining why I don't take my medicine everyday, why I don't want to talk to the psychiatrist, why I want to kill people, why I don't want to be around people, etc. I really do wish there was someplace I could go to put things into perspective, but the problem is I can't get away from me or my thoughts. If anyone can answer any of the questions posted under my poetic verse of the day section, please respond on this blog.