It's Simply Not Fair

After having dinner with a law school friend, having a drink, and smoking a cigar, I have finally made it home. Upon entering my home, the only thing I have turned on is the computer. Darkness surrounds me and silence is in my ears. I have held back tears, and I have shedded tears. I received news earlier tonight that the young man responsible for my cousins' death last year was only found guilty of Driving Under the Influence. Today marks the one year anniversary of my cousins' death, which is ironically the day he received a verdict for this crime. Yesterday would have been my cousin 21st birthday. So much has gone through my mind. Everything from disbelief to sorrow. I don't hate the guy. I don't even know him, but I find it hard to believe that a judge or jury didn't find his actions negligent. I am sure when my cousin saw her 20th birthday, she didn't think the following day would be her last day. I can't help but think about what went through her mind during the final precious seconds of her life. I wonder if she was thinking why didn't I stay home? Why did I get in this car tonight? If I make it through tonight, then tomorrow I will be fine. Was that truly the last time I will see my parents? I don't want to say goodbye. I don't want to die, right here, right now, at this age. How is any of this fair to me? Will my next breath be my last gasp?

Everyone says we feel the same thing in death as we felt before we were born; nothing. Sure my cousin isn't in any pain anymore. But I am sure her mother and father are still feeling a pain that is immeasurable. A pain I am certain will never cease. Questions that will never be answered. A desire to hold there baby one more time. A desire to watch their child have children. A cry from so deep within that it hurts just to let it out. An everlasting wish to see their child walk through the door, call on the phone, see her smile, hear her voice. None of that can be replaced. They have been let down from both angles. Let down by the person whom they thought was a responsible young man/friend of the family. And let down by the justice system. When will my aunt and uncle get justice? When will they be able to move on and be happy? When will they find peace within? I am inclined to think the answer to those questions would be when they die.