What Does It Mean To Be Free

Its amazing how the opinion of another person can mentally bind you. I spoke with my mother earlier tonight and the conversation ended sour. My temper is relatively short these days; therefore, I have a tendency to say whats on my mind. But I left that conversation realizing that I am not comfortable with me based upon what she thinks of me. Its a shame that at 34 years old, I am concerned about what the next person thinks of me and how they think I should look. As a result of this level of discomfort, I realized that I am not free. I see myself as an unattractive, overweight person who is destined to be single until I look a certain way. Why do I think this way? Because that is what my mother keeps telling me. Its gotten to the point that she wants to dictate what I wear when I leave my home. Keep in mind that I don't even live with my mother nor does she see me everyday. When she does see me I am wearing jeans, a t-shirt, a pair of shorts; something comfortable that doesn't remind me of work. Therefore, she thinks I don't look decent when I leave my house, and I should dress better than I do just in case I "meet somebody to marry." According to my mother, no man will want me if I look shabby. Maybe that's true to an extent. But do I really want to be with a man that wants me to look like the next top model everyday including the times I am just lounging around. Now here's the funny part. If I tell my mother how much money I spend monthly in Brooks Brothers for clothes she would tell me I spend too much money. Go figure.....

Ironically, yesterday I purchased and read a book titled The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. The book has only 96 pages, so I read it within three hours. Its a very interesting read so I recommend it. A passage from the book reads:
And an orator said, speak to us of freedom. And he (the prophet) answered....You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief, but rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound.

That passage, among others in this book, made me think. All of the things that my mother says to me, or what other people may think, or even what I think weighs heavlily on me. But its only when I don't succumb to it, and still live happily, or look at the many other factors that make me realize that I am a blessed individual; thats what will make me free. Its time for me to change my way of thinking and be free....