The Audacity Part II

I had to respond to his audacity, i.e. his arrogance or boldness. I just couldn't remain silent like I did the night he raped me. I couldn't let him and everyone else go on thinking that everything was fine between he and I. I couldn't let him rape me again. I couldn't be a victim again. Most importantly, I couldn't be a victim in my own mind. I refused to sit silent letting things go like I did three years ago. So I responded to his audacity by leaving a comment on his page. He didn't like what I had to say, so he erased it. Not only did he erase the comment I left on his page, he also erased the comment he left on mine. My comment to him entailed a message advising him not to contact me because I don't want to talk to a rapist. I guess that didn't make him feel "ok." I am sure what he read scared him. I hope it scared him just as much as he scared me the night he sexually assaulted me. He was a coward then , and he is a coward now. His cowardice caused him to erase his comment and mine because he didn't want people to know his dirty little secret. After all, he can't have his image and reputation tarnished. He can't have his family and friends look at him differently and live with the shame of knowing that he violated someone in such a manner that civilized people in society would shun him and point fingers when he walked by. He can't live with the feeling of discomfort in his mind that people will talk about him whenever they see him, or identify him as a rapist. Everything was "ok" as long as I was quiet. Everything was "ok" as long as I didn't say anything about what he did to me. So to make sure no one discovered he is a rapist, the delete button became the mechanism that too would silence the truth.

But that wasn't enough for me. It wasn't enough that only he knew how I felt. I had to do more. I had to say more. I had to display the same amount of audacity as he did. I too had to be just as arrogant and bold as he. I had to tell someone else. I had to tell someone who could confront him about it. So I told his wife. Why did I tell his wife someone might ask. Because - I have protected him long enough. I have protected his wife long enough. I protected the both of them because I didn't want to hurt her or their two children. What I finally realized was that in the act of protecting them, my silence was eating me up on the inside. It was causing me to have sleepless nights, and unhappy days. It was preventing me from enjoying life because I was too ashamed of being raped. I felt like I did something wrong. I felt like it was my fault, and I have grown tired of that. He needs to recognize his fault in all of this and she needs to know about it. So to place her on notice, a request was made to her on her website to tell her husband not to contact the person he raped on February 13, 2005 at 11:30 pm. I am sure she read the comment because eventually it was deleted off of her page, and the only thing I feel is vindicated. I feel like I have lost weight. I feel like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders. Maybe now he isn't feeling "ok." Hopefully now he is the one having sleepless nights and unhappy days. He rendered me powerless the night he raped me, but now I feel empowered. I feel like I am in the driver seat now. I feel like I have the upper hand, and there is absolutely nothing that he can do to take that power away from me. How audacious of me, i.e. arrogant and bold.