What Is Ok?

According to Webster's Dictionary, the word "ok" means to approve or authorize. For as long as I can remember, someone has always asked me do I have a favorite food, color, song, etc. I never gave it much thought because I didn't like the ideal of having to choose a favorite anything. Making a choice has always seemed so unfair to me, and it placed a certain level of stress on me even as a child. Still to this day making choices between something or someone is so burdensome. Therefore, I don't choose, and take the attitude that I can live with it or without it. It wasn't until I was maybe 31 years old that a friend of mine made me realize that I categorize everything as "ok." My friend, out of damn near ten years of knowing me, never heard me say I like or dislike something; it was just "ok." That prompted me to realize that I don't have a favorite food, color, song, etc. In my mind, having a favorite anything would be too much like committing to something more than something else. That in and of itself just doesn't sit well with me. Needless to say, my pondering on this realization didn't stop there. The next thing that I realized was everything that I characterized as "ok" really meant that I didn't have much interest in something or I didn't put much thought into something. The next question to myself was why. Why don't I have a significant interest in things? So I decided to pick something that I was interested in other than music. Problem was I couldn't pick anything. To me that was strange. There had to be something I was interested in. Something that was more than just "ok." But there wasn't anything, and for weeks I kept saying the word "ok" to myself. It was a word I just couldn't stop thinking about. Then it finally hit me why that word is so popular in my life. Ever since I was child, I have been told what is "ok" and what isn't "ok." I then realized that I'd never made the decision that something was "ok" or not "ok" because the decision was already made for me. I had no choice in determining what I thought was "ok" or not "ok." Then all of a sudden I began to remember. I remembered what was "ok" and what wasn't "ok."

It's not ok to joke around because she didn't raise a fool.
It's ok to be seen and not heard, but it's not ok to be quiet all of the time because she didn't raise me to be snobbish.
It's ok to speak to people, but it's not ok to be around people because it's better to stay to myself.
It's ok to be nice to people, but it's not ok to consider people as friends.
It's ok when people compliment me, but it's not ok to compliment myself; that would be arrogant.
It's ok for people to recognize my accomplishments, but it's not ok to tell people what my accomplishments are; that would be boastful.
It's ok to visit family members, but it's not ok to spend time with my family because my family doesn't care about me, or like me.
It's ok to use a man only for sex, but it's not ok to have sex before marriage.
It's ok to tell my mother what's making me cry, but it's not ok to cry about it in front of her; she raised me to be stronger than that.
It's ok to curse at people when they hurt me, but it's not ok to cry in front of people when I am hurt; that's a sign of weakness.
It's ok to fight back because it represents strength, but it's not ok to express my anger because it represents defeat.
It's ok to get married, but it's not ok to trust men.
It's ok to get a career first and then a family, but it's not ok to put my career before my family.
It's not ok to be single because people will think I am gay, but it's also not ok to be seen with different men because people will think I am a whore.
It's ok to have male companionship, but it's not ok to express to a man how I feel about him.
It's ok to practice monogamy, but it's not ok to have sex without a condom when I get married.
It's ok to always look perfect in public, but it's not ok to care about what other people think of me.
It's ok to be myself no matter what, but it's not ok to let people get to know who I am.
It's ok if I'm not the best so long as I tried, but it's not ok if I don't succeed because people are waiting to see me fail.
It's ok to be there for people who need help, but it's not ok to depend on anyone to help me.
It's ok to love people, but it's not ok to be in love because I will get used.

I am so confused about so many things that it makes me feel like I am lost. Because of that, I don't think what I think matters considering the way I think really aren't my thoughts.