Not So Easy

My session today was a ruff one. For a moment, I forgot where I was, and found myself feeling as if I was being held captive in my bedroom all over again. I tried to shake it off and go to work, but I couldn't. I had fallen a little to deep in what happened. The conversation I elected to talk about took me there. I think I also became upset when my counselor impressed upon me the strong possibility that my mother may have been raped. I know about incidents between my mother, a few of her female siblings, and the men in and out of their lives. Sexual battery was clearly there, and the rape of her youngest sister at the age of twelve or thirteen was there. But my mother being raped was something I didn't have any evidence of. But my counselor thinks that because my mother have always told me that every man rapes a woman at least once in his life, then its likely she was raped as a child. I think that's why my mother down plays what happened to me. It's probably so common place in her life as a child, that it's just something a person should "get over." With that in mind, I definitely don't want to discuss what happened to me with her because it may prompt her to remember some things that she would rather forget. I don't want to put my mother through any of that if that is the case. I just have to learn how to respond to my mother in certain conversations, and make sure I don't obsess over any of her comments to me regarding counseling, marriage, and children. That one hour of counseling impacted me severely.