Damn!!!

I didn't realize it has been a little over a month since I last posted anything new to my blog. I skipped the entire month of July!!!! It is now August, and we are quickly approaching the end of another year. In other words, Christmas is just around the corner, so get ready to see Christmas decorations in all the stores for Halloween. More importantly, my birthday is coming up. What shall I do this year? I will take the remainder of the day to ponder that. I need to go somewhere. I like travelling most in the winter season. So I'll probably select a state north or northeast. I need to be where its cold. Tara.....think of a place for me to go, and let me know what you come up with and if you can come with me.

My Head Hurts

I'm so fucking upset with BET right now, I don't know what to do with myself. I wasted four hours of my life watching a channel that I don't ordinarily watch, let alone an award show on that channel. The only reason why I tuned in was to see just how they would "honor" Michael Jackson. Well, that didn't happen. It was painfully obvious that none of those people/so called entertainers knew anything about Michael Jackson or his legacy and contributions to music!!!! I wasted four hours watching a bunch of non-talented motherfuckers jump around on the stage cursing in their lyrics, and at the end of their so called performance, they had the audacity to say, "Rest in Peace Mike. We love you and miss you." That's not honoring someone-fucking jackasses!!!!! What really angered me was the fact that Janet had to sit through that shit!!!!! Janet had a look of disgust on her face. I've never seen her look so insulted before. All she could say in a breaking tone was, "To you Michael was an icon. To us he was family." Because she was about to cry, she had to walk off the stage. How dare BET ask the Jackson family to be present for that shit!!!! Janet was "elected" by her family to appear on behalf of her family. Otherwise she wouldn't have been there enduring such tasteless, tacky, ignorant shit!!!!

And can somebody PLEASE tell that bitch Beyonce' that you do not sing the Ave Maria in a fucking teddy!!!! I hate that bitch!!!! I'm not even catholic and I was insulted!!! How dare she disgrace a sacred song as such. My grandfather loved that song, and for her to disrespect it in such a manner makes me wanna slap the fuck out of her!!!! And if she's gonna sing the Latin version, at least have the decency to know how to pronounce the words!!!!! I'm so fucking sick to my stomach right now. This is what music has come to. Something that's not even creative, artistic, beautiful, brilliant....I can go on!!!!! How dare these people insult music like this. I've been playing music practically all my life, and I've never hated this style of music as much as I do right now. These people offer absolutely nothing to the art form of music. I'm so sorry Janet had to leave her family to sit through that shit!!!

Acceptance

The more I think about Michael Jackson, the more upset I become. The more upset I become, the more angry I get. Even though I've never met him, I feel his pain and understand more than what most people are willing to recognize. I'll start with his childhood. Michael was singing ever since he could talk. And having Joe Jackson as a father obviously was not an easy task. This post is not meant to lay blame on or point a finger at his father, but I, like most people I am sure, can relate to having a controlling and demanding parent. Outside of school, the only other thing in Michael's life was music and his four older brothers. That's all he knew. Singing, performing, and dancing had to be perfect or else people wouldn't "accept" him. And as long as the public was "accepting" Michael, life was fine because his father was pleased. Anything less than perfect would be a disgrace in Michael's eyes because it would have been a disgrace in his fathers' eyes, thus the public eye. Imagine living a life in the public eye from early childhood until your death. I certainly wouldn't want to live a life like his. Here's how I can relate to Michael. My mother was constantly telling me and my sister that we had to be perfect, get good grades, and become somebody or otherwise no one would "accept" us. It was ingrained in our minds that our family and "so called friends" were waiting to see us fail. Therefore, me and my sister had to get great grades. It wasn't an option. There was no room for error or failure. If you weren't number one, then you were nothing. The only thing I knew as a child was constant studying and in my spare time the only other thing I had was music. Music helped me escape. It helped me to cope with the abuse we were receiving from our mother. I can remember more childhood songs than I can any other part of my childhood. That's just how much of a blur my childhood is to me. The minute my grades began to slip in high school, I felt like the world was tumbling down. I truly believed I would become nothing, my family and "so called friends" would criticize me, and all I wanted to do was die. I was 14 years old and I was crying and screaming to my daddy that I didn't want to live and I wanted to die all because my grades were less than perfect. I kept telling him that I wanted to die while he tried to calm me down until I finally fell asleep. I understand how Michael felt when not only the public, but a parent places that much pressure on you as a child.

Since Michael's passing, so much about his mental and physical health has surfaced. I've known for a few months now that he suffered with a pulmonary disease; which for an entertainer is not only damaging to your health, its also damaging to your career. The Micheal we've been seeing on tv was probably no more. His health was deteriorating along with his career; which leads me to his mental health. At the height of his career, Michael was "accepted" by everyone. The WORLD loved him. There wasn't a single part of the entire globe that had never heard of or seen Michael Jackson. How many artists can actually say that. Then came all the stories about his skin tone, his sex life, and of course, the allegations of child molestation. After the second allegation that resulted in an acquittal, I said to myself then that Michael would kill himself. The reason why I said that was because Michael was too busy trying to regain his popularity and "acceptance" of the public. However, there was nothing he could do, say, or sing to change, slow down, or stop the constant criticism. Everyday this man was called weird, a molester, "Wacko Jacko," or some other stupid name just to sell a damn magazine to a bunch of ignorant ass people who don't have anything better to do with their damn selves but enjoy reading about someone else's downfall. Also there was the matter of not having the same cash flow coming in anymore. Michael was in more debt than any of us could ever imagine. From this day forward I will stop complaining about my student loans. I'm sure if that's all Michael had to worry about, he would have been happy to trade lives with any of us. This man had insurmountable obstacles in his life. One obstacle after the other. Then there's the side called lonely. My sister couldn't understand why Michael felt so lonely and never found a woman to settle down with considering all of his older brothers did. I told her that was the reason. I explained it to her like this. For the longest, it was just me and my sister. She was the only other person who understood what it was like growing up on Leonidas Street with our mother. Just like Michael and his older brothers knew what it was like growing up in Gary, Indiana with Joe Jackson. Then all of sudden, his brothers got married one by one, and started their own families; which more than likely left Michael feeling alone. All Michael had left was his career. Music was all he knew considering that's all he did since childhood. My sister was all I knew, and when she got married and had a child, I felt alone. It was no longer me and my sister. It was just me and my career. That's all I had and it was all I was taught to achieve since childhood. And here I am a 35 year old woman, with no children, no husband, and a career. I often feel like I don't fit in anywhere because my friends and family have achieved what is socially "acceptable" in life-getting married and having a family.

Then there's the depression factor. Some of the pills that Michael was taking, I've taken or am taking. My brother in law said, "Wasn't he taking Zoloft, that crazy people medicine?" That right there is the reason why Michael probably never shared his pain or the medication he was taking with anybody. Comments like that keep me from talking about how tough it is for me to battle depression. If I wasn't taking Cymbalta, my ass would probably be dead now. Even though Michael may have been taking anti-depressants, and a combination of other drugs, I blame that doctor who helped Michael kill himself. Michael knew at the age of 50 that there was no way he could perform anymore. After having endured being burned, falling off of a stage, breaking bones, and having a pulmonary disease, he knew his performing days were over, and I'm sure in his mind that also meant his life was over. I'm almost certain that Michael would rather be dead than to let people see him in a condition outside of what the world was accustomed to seeing.

On so many levels, I understand his pain. I understand his constant unhappiness with himself. I understand why it was so important to always be perfect. And if you can't be pleasing to anyone, then what's the sense in living? So the only thing Michael could "accept" was a desire to no longer live. In other words, if he couldn't be perfect, then he wouldn't "accept" anything less than that; which meant give him death. This is why I'm taking his death so hard. Michael inspired me to want to dance. He inspired me to learn all there was about charisma when it came to dance and rhythm. He inspired me to listen to the meaning of the lyrics and feel the joy or pain the artist was conveying. For instance, in his song Wanna Be Startin' Somethin', he says, "You're a vegetable, still they hate you, you're a vegetable, you're just a buffet, you're a vegetable, they eat off of you, you're a vegetable." Translation: Michael is the vegetable. Vegetables are good for you. And even though Michael/the vegetable is good to you or for you, still they hate you. Like Michael with his money/vegetables, he was a buffet for greedy, money hungry people who ate off of him/the vegetable.

So I will end this post quoting lyrics to Michael from that same song. Anybody who wants to learn more about music would already know that these lyrics were not written with the song. They were ad libbed when Michael recorded it. To Michael I say, "Lift your head up high and scream out to the world I know I am someone and let the truth unfurl. No one can hurt you now because you know the truth. Yes, I believe in me so you believe in you."

Rest In Peace Michael...you certainly deserve to.

The Passing of an Icon

At first, I took it in stride. But as time passed, and more of his music was played on the radio, the more it began to sink in. A huge influence on my childhood has passed away. Everybody wanted to either be like him, dance like him, sing like him, look like him, or meet him. I'm sure just watching him perform on television had to be more exhilarating in concert. This was the young face with an astonishing voice on the lead vocals with his brothers behind him. He even influenced his youngest sister to be an icon as well. Which of them danced better is a personal preference, but no doubt they're both talented. When you think about it, this man provided for his family as soon as he came out of his mother's womb. He was at least seven when he and his brothers performed on the Ed Sullivan show; which by the way was a huge event for black America during those times. If you didn't know the songs outside of what was being played on the radio, then you missed out. "Jack still sits all alone; he lives the world that is his own; he's lost in thought of who to be; I wish to God that he would see just love." Or what about, "Even though the pain and heartache seems to follow me where ever I go; though I try and try to hide my feelings they always seem to show; then you try to say you're leaving me and I always have to say no; tell me why is it so that I never can say goodbye." And here we are saying goodbye to someone who has influenced every new so called artist out there today. I don't know a better entertainer, and doubt we'll ever see another one in this lifetime. This man was huge during my parents generation and mine. Name another artist who has done that. I challenge you. To our musical King...goodbye Michael Jackson.....

Finding Time

Quite some time has passed since my last post on my blog. I've been so busy with work that it seems like I am consumed with nothing else but it. I do make time however to read my history books. That's one of the few things that keeps me level headed. In a nutshell, I've been to Houston, Texas for business; which turned out great. Me and my business partner have a great opportunity in front of us right now, but I won't get into all of that just yet. The civil practice in my law office is developing fine. I'm finally getting the hang of how to do billable hours. And today was the first time I went to my parents house since I moved out in April. My mother was happy to see me. She hugged me and kissed me on my check as I told her that I missed her. No apologies were exchanged however. Not that I expected to hear one, or give one for that matter. But the silence and distance was getting old. I truly do not have time to carry that burden on my plate. I have too much going on business wise that I don't want to take time out to reflect on what happened, and how long its been since I last spoke with my mother. I have no worries on my end though. Just thoughts of how to become successful in my career. Other than that, not much else has been going on. Holla later...

It's Official

This week was a step in the right direction for me. I successfully obtained my charter number from the Secretary of State for my law practice. So now my law office is an official LLC business entity in the state of Louisiana. I am the owner of my own business, the registered agent for my business, and since I'm the only member, I'm the president of my business. Once I obtained my official business status in the state, I was able to open up a bank account for my law practice. That was of extreme importance to do. In fact, its required by the state bar association that private practitioners and firms have a client trust account and a general business account. We have to make sure we don't co-mingle our personal account with our business account. And we definitely have to have the client trust account to make sure that the clients money is being spent on the client. I just hope I'm able to maintain an accurate ledger for my records. Since I'm a lawyer, I know absolutely nothing about operating a business. With that fact, I'm now in search of an accountant who I can trust to manage my money and make sure I'm straight with the IRS for tax purposes. My sister is an accountant, but she isn't a CPA; which is what I need. My sister won't even touch matters like this. She'd rather not take the risk of miscalculation or not being able to give proper advice on tax tips that can be beneficial for a business. I can understand that. Its the same with me. I know nothing about tax law, so I wouldn't represent anyone who needs a tax attorney. I'll just keep searching until I find the right accountant I can trust.

After I obtained my charter number and opened my business bank account, I started feeling intimidated. It actually hit me for the first time that this shit is real. I've taken on a huge responsibility, and it seems like all of this is happening so fast. So many worries filled my head to the point that I didn't want to think about it anymore. After taking some xanax to calm down, I told myself that everything will be fine. In fact, everything has been fine so far. With that in mind, I went on with my day. Here's something else I will share. I was presented with another opportunity to be a guest on another cable access show. The person who asked me to appear on her talk show is an attorney also. She's been inviting me to be on her show ever since I was a prosecutor. Yesterday she called me up and said she was taping Friday night and wanted me there for 7:00. I didn't even think about it. I told her I'd be there, and tonight I was a guest on her talk show discussing the criminal justice system. I must say that I had a lot of fun. It was my first time ever being involved in a talk show discussion. I've been on the news before, but this was different. She wants me to be a part of a symposium she's planning for later this year. I'm on board for that as well. She even mentioned inviting me back on the talk show. I think I'll do it again since its free advertising for me as a solo practitioner. This week was great considering all that I was able to accomplish coupled with the open door for free advertisement on television. I must say that this feels really good.

A Different Area

This morning I had to drive to another parish to represent a client of mine for a criminal charge and some traffic violations. I will not disclose the name of the parish in this post. Just know that it wasn't Jefferson or Orleans Parish. I arrived at the courthouse early because I didn't know where I was going, and I didn't want to run the risk of being late. I don't know any of the judges out there, so I didn't want to take a gamble starting off with a bad reputation, or possibly have the judge punish my client for my shortcomings. The courtroom was full, so needless to say we were there well into the afternoon hours. The judge seemed very polite and sympathetic to many of the defendants circumstances. He even went so far as to waive fines and fees for many of the defendants. Well, finally my clients' name was called, and we proceeded to the bench to address the court. I, of course, began to speak on the record on behalf of my client introducing myself by name, as an attorney, and informed the judge that I was present on behalf of my client who was also present in court. The judge then asked me a strange question. He asked me, "Are you an attorney?" At that point, I paused for about two seconds, and replied, "Yes sir. I am an attorney." Now, I don't want you to think the judge had this prejudice look or tone when he asked me that question. To me, it just came across as strange that he would ask that question even though I had just introduced myself as an attorney. One logical explanation could be that this parish rarely encounter a lot of black attorney's; just black defendants. In addition to that, as I was walking out of the courtroom, I thanked the courtroom deputy for all of his assistance and courtesy, then he asked me a question. The deputy asked me, "You from Nawlins?" In an effort to get him to repeat his question, and to make sure I understood which city he was pronouncing-or attempting to pronounce, I said, "I'm sorry sir." So again he asked, "You from Nawlins?" I replied, "Yes sir I am." He then nodded his head up and down, smiled, and told me to have a nice day. For the reader's sake, I will admit that this deputy was an older white male, but he was quite polite to me, and he too showed no signs of being prejudice, nor did he speak to me with a prejudice tone. I was just wondering what clued him in that I was not from that area. More specifically, how did he guess I was from New Orleans? I immediately asked myself if I have that New Orleans accent that we are known for having according to people from other cities/states. But here's why I don't think that's it. Many people in New Orleans, whether they're from here or not, upon meeting me will ask me if I'm from New Orleans. Every time I am asked that question, I in turn ask why do you ask. And ALL have replied with, "You don't talk like you from here." Or they'll say, " You don't have a New Orleans demeanor about yourself." After saying goodbye to the deputy, I proceeded to walk to my car, and another gentleman stopped me and asked for my business card. He was a black man of course, and his son was there for a charge. I told him to give me a call tomorrow. I have a feeling I may be picking up quite a few clients in the criminal arena in these other parishes.

Negative Inspiration

Last Saturday was one of the most memorable days in my life. Unfortunately, it adds to the list of my worst moments in my life. Since October of last year, I was living at home with my parents. Yesterday, I moved into my own apartment again. The whole point of living at home was to save enough money to purchase my first home. However, that plan went south when my mother tried to physically fight me and threaten me with a butcher knife. We haven't talked to each other since the incident. It isn't that I don't want to talk to her. I just think she needs time to calm down, and I needed time to reset my boundaries. I can honestly say that I'm not mad at her, nor am I mad at myself. I think I am truly past the time in my life of living at home. My dad asked me if my mother and I can forget about everything that happened. I explained to my dad that it isn't about forgetting. Its about my mother getting help so that she can find peace and happiness in her life so that she can stop being so angry. With help, I believe my mother can have a better relationship with her husband, her siblings, and her daughters. As for me, the medicine and my own therapy is helping me make it through this ordeal. I hate that all of that had to happen between us because no matter how many apologies are said by the both of us, that action will always be there. Its tattooed on our lives. Its part of our history, and it dictates or present and our future.

On another note, I have to say thank you to Clif and Big G for helping me move. As always, Tara is there to pull the pieces together to keep me on track. Thanks friend!!! My new apartment is wonderful if I may say so myself. My first night here was very lonely for me. I didn't realize how accustomed I became to seeing my family and friends more consistently in my life. Today I organized the apartment. I put my belongings in its place, and my favorite room is my study. I have a place for my books on the built in bookshelf, my keyboard is placed in there, and I have the calm sounds of my water fountain right next to aromatherapy candles. You gotta see it!!!!

Welcome To Orleans Parish

Maybe I shouldn't say this as a new defense attorney who was once a former prosecutor. But I honestly think once a prosecutor, always a prosecutor. Our parish recently had a murder trial wherein the defendant was accused and found guilty of raping and killing his 16 year-old daughter. The jury however found it fitting to sentence this asshole to a life sentence instead of the death penalty. I had this case when I was a prosecutor, so I have a soft spot for the victim. She didn't deserve this, and his ass certainly doesn't deserve the sentence he received. This child didn't have a chance since birth. Her destiny was already determined. In her short 16 years of living, she endured more than what most people could even bare. I'm so upset with the jury to the point that I wanna slap the hell out of them. If this crime didn't dictate the death penalty, then tell me, what has to happen in Orleans Parish for a jury to say death is sufficient.

What's more disturbing is the fact that for first degree murder cases, a jury has to be death qualified. Meaning, everyone is individually asked if they can vote death. If you can't vote death, then be honest about that shit!!! This bastard should have been sentenced to death....case closed...

The Good News

The good news is that I don't owe the government this year. State or federal. In fact, those bastards owe me. The bad news is they'll keep my money because I owe them from the previous year. While I have a fondness for reading about our nation's history, I truly dislike the government and their taxing methods. I don't think its fair at all that I have to pay more taxes because I am a single working woman with no kids. I work just as hard for my money as anyone else. I damn sure work harder than the people who don't work at all, and get my tax dollars as a benefit for whatever their reasons are. But I won't dwell on that. I'll save that for another blog post. I going to bed....

The Latest

Its been a minute since I've written anything on my blog. Truth be told, I've been a little busy. Not that I'm complaining. Busy means business. So far, I've picked up a few new clients in the private practice, mostly civil; which is a good thing. At first, I thought I would be able to stay away from criminal defense, but it seems as though I may have to pick up criminal clients to build capital in my business. The clerkship is going well also. It's providing me with the finances I need in my personal and professional life. The radio promo's have been doing well. I think my name is getting out in the public based upon the volume of phone calls I'm receiving, but I need to get to a point where people can match the name with a face. I need people to believe they can rely on me as an attorney. This will build the confidence needed for them to trust me enough to want to call me and retain my legal services. I have been presented with an opportunity that will bring me into people's living room. I have my second guesses about it, and I hope none of this is premature for my career. I will continue to ponder over this for the next week. After that, a final decision has to be made and adhered to.

A Must Have

I think everyone has a list of albums/cd's that they consider a "must have" in their collection. Of course, a hobby of mine is hanging out at music stores buying cd's. Today, I decided to make going to Best Buy a part of my day among other things. While I was there, I decided to buy a few rap cd's. I purchased an L.L.Cool J. old school cd, a Notorious B.I.G. cd, and further down the aisle, I saw T.I.'s cd Paper Trail. Now I normally don't place many of todays rap artists on my "must have" list, but T.I.'s cd is a definite purchase worth investing in. In my opinion, I can honestly rank this cd as one of my top favorite rap cd's. In fact, I rank this cd up there with Tupac's release of All Eyes On Me. That's how tight Paper Trail is. Every song on this cd is excellent. The lyrics are impressive and the beats are slamming. I've always liked T.I's music, but this cd has prompted me to look at him in a different light as an artist, a musician, a writer, a man. I think he dug deep into his soul and wrote this one. Just like Tupac wrote his best lyrics while in prison, T.I. wrote this cd faced with many obstacles-one of them being prison-time; which he is currently serving. His lyrics show just how much he's grown from his experiences and mistakes in life. I love to hear growth in all artists. It says so much about them, and their development as a musician. If you don't have it, check it out. And I don't mean burn it, buy the damn cd!!! You know who I'm talking to....

On The Radio

Today had to be the best day of my life. I actually recorded a commercial on the radio today. Being in the studio was a damn good feeling. Being behind a microphone as if I was in the music industry felt so damn good!!! My commercials will start airing this coming Tuesday, and I've signed up to be on the air for the next three months on two radio stations. I don't know if you know, but that's a hell of a lot of air time. I have to give a huge shout out to Kelder Summers. Kel!!!! You made that possible!!!! And to my P. R. person, Niya you a genius girl!!!!

Tolerance

I typically don't watch reality shows, but from time to time when I'm channel surfing, America's Next Top Model catches my eye. Not because I'm interested in the show, but because of one of the characters on the show. I don't know his name, or what purpose he serves on the show, but he certainly does draw attention to himself. He is the black guy with the flamboyant style. Anyone watching the show can clearly see that he is a homosexual, and that he goes through no effort to mask it. Not that he has to hide his sexual preference. If he is comfortable being open about, then so be it. But that brings me to the purpose of this blog entry. One night last week, my mother and I were watching television, and she just so happened to catch the last few minutes of America's Next Top Model. The black guy on the show had on a hot pink sweater, with an enormous white bow tie, and a black mushroom type wig on his head. Needless to say, he stood out amongst the panel of people he was seated with. My dad was passing through the room, and his eyes were instantly fixated on this guy. My dad then proceeded to say, "That's why those faggots get their asses kicked in the streets! Fucking faggots get on my nerves!" I told my dad that's not the reason why homosexuals are attacked. And he didn't understand my statement. Now keep in mind my dad is one of those old school cats, so he isn't receptive to what he may consider "different." But I digress. In response to my statement, he just kept saying that "they" shouldn't be that way; "fucking faggots!" I told my dad the reason why homosexuals are attacked is the same reason why black people were lynched, or Jewish people had to suffer the Holocaust. Homosexuals are attacked because of ignorance and intolerance. When people decide to beat or kill someone simply because they're different, then that's the height ignorance and intolerance of the next individual. My dad simply said, "Well," and then sat quietly as he pondered what I said. Would you believe a week later he went back to his sentiment of homosexuals?

Too Late

I can remember as a kid how badly I wanted to go to Disney World. I always thought that the "rich kids" were the only kids fortunate enough to go. The only family vacations we ever went on was to Roxie, Mississippi to visit my grandmother for the summer. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed that as kid, and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I always wondered what it would be like to travel to different places. As I matured, I accumulated some independence, and I started going out of town with my cousins. Once I got to law school, I started travelling by myself. And once I got into my profession, I began to travel either for professional reasons or leisure. But the destinations were more conducive to my adult personality. I think after I made 27, I stopped thinking about visiting Disney World, so I didn't have an interest in spending a lot of money on an amusement park(s). If I'm going to spend over a thousand dollars for a trip, I want it to be serene, exotic, and adult with a sexy ambiance. As for Disney World, I think I waited too late in life to take in this experience. I don't regret visiting because I can add it to the list of places I've been to, but I know this is not on my "must do again" list.

Of the four parks, I went to Magic Kingdom, Epcot, and Hollywood Studios. I only enjoyed Epcot, and that was probably because of its educational and cultural aspects. Magic Kingdom and Hollywood Studios was an absolute bore to me. I think that's more for the young, or young at heart. Now my opinion of Disney World isn't law or gospel of course. Everyone else there seemed to be enjoying themselves. I've come to the conclusion that I'm the odd one. If you like theme parks and make believe fantasy stuff, then this is the place for you. If not, make sure you have kids with you if you plan to visit.

Music

Anybody who knows me knows I love music. Its probably my one and only love. I've been known for saying this, so I will say it here on my blog page. I love music more than I love sex. An orgasm doesn't even come close to the feeling I feel whenever I listen to or play music. Right now, I'm listening to Jill Scott. Her latest cd is so close to perfect its unreal. The music and lyrics are phenomenal. Hence the title 'words and sounds.' Its a must have in the music collection-at least mine anyway....

"My love is deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, fire. Didn't you know this, or didn't you notice?" That sentence alone says it all. Jill can write some some deep shit!

Off To A Good Start

Its only been two days into my new found freedom, and so far things have been going well. I have been receiving a lot of good responses, good publicity so far, and I have a great outlook on things. However, I am faced with a crossroad right now. I was able to stumble across a law clerk job here in New Orleans, but there's a catch. I can't practice criminal defense in New Orleans. That's a problem because here is where I'm known and have a good reputation as an attorney. Criminal defense will have to be my bread and butter if I am going to build a practice and succeed in it. Its what I know and can specialize in at the moment. Of course I can practice criminal defense in the surrounding parishes, but it will take time for the judges in those parishes to get to know me as an attorney. It will also take time for me to learn how the other parishes operate in their courtrooms. I will have to think hard about this one.

Day In The Life

This morning I woke up and decided to live life today. Last night, I took a couple of Xanax pills to relax and go to sleep. Otherwise I would have been up all night thinking. Today was a beautiful day. The temperature was perfect, and I figured most of the people in and around the city would be at the parades celebrating Fat Tuesday. Over the years, I've gotten bored with parades, so I typically don't go. I did attend the Endymion parade the other night and had to tell some fool that I wasn't moving off of the neutral ground that he had "blocked off" for him and his friends. I had my nephew with me, so I really didn't want to get too bothered by that jackass. I spoke my mind, and ignored him afterwards. But I digress. I left the house today around noon, and decided to have lunch at La Madeline's. I enjoy the food and the atmosphere there, so its not uncommon to find me there. After lunch, I decided to take in a movie. I needed something to make me laugh, so I paid $4.75 to see Tyler Perry's Mudea Goes To Jail. The parts with Tyler Perry playing Mudea was funny, but the story line could have been better, or should I say different. But that's for another blog. After the movie, I stopped at Sports Academy and bought a bike. I started to buy an air pump for my tires, but I think I will go back for that later. I wanted to stop at Best Buy to purchase India Arie's new cd, but it slipped my mind. By Friday, I should have my copy. I'm a huge fan of India's, and I want to give her all the support she deserves. India is truly one of the more talented musicians in the industry today, so she deserves my money.

On a sad note, yesterday I found out that a friend of mine since high school died this past Sunday. She just turned 36 last weekend, and she has left behind two beautiful young children and a husband. I won't go into the cause of her death because it makes me angry with the medical profession, or maybe the so called doctors in the profession. My friend was so full of life, joy and laughter. Her life was never an easy one, but she always kept going and lived life to the fullest. With that in mind, I decided to get my ass out of bed today and live life. I didn't want to sit around mourning her lost because that's not what she would have wanted. I will never forget her smile, her humor, or her warm personality. She was part of the three amigo's whenever we went out for a game of pool and drinks. It won't be the same without her. Life won't be the same without her. So in honor of my friend...Sharmain, I will always be thinking of you. I miss you so much and I love you friend. My only consolation is that you are now making angels in heaven laugh, and that you are no longer in pain. You no longer have to rely upon the imperfections of man, but the comfort of God. Rest peacefully in His arms dear.

The Most Over-Rated Holiday

Perhaps I'm being cynical about this whole Valentine's Day crap, but I honestly think its a useless holiday. All it does is remind a person of the shit they didn't get. You didn't get roses, diamonds, candy, balloons, stuffed animal, or more importantly that engagement ring your ass been waiting on since Hec was a pup. Everything is over-priced, and Cupid is a chunky bitch flying around in a shitty diaper. Now, could it be that I am disgruntled considering I've been single since the age of 22. That's about 13 years but who's keeping track. Or maybe I'm just not into holidays as such. Truth be told, I'm no fan of balloons, stuffed animals, and I certainly don't need to be stuffing my face with candy. Roses are attractive to the eye, but hell its a bunch of dead flowers waiting to lose its aroma and stage of beauty. The diamonds on the other hand should be given on any day. Perhaps I'm expecting too much, but they are a girls best friend. Not to mention they certainly last a hell of a lot longer than the man who gave 'em to you, and they're worth more; monetarily that is. So this blog is for those who didn't have a Valentine. Join me in saying FUCK Cupid...Boy that felt good....

And So...

Today was the day that I liberated myself from the ball and chain. I submitted my letter of resignation from the DA's Office. My last day of duty is February 27th. I honestly thought that I would feel not so good about resigning, but it was quite the opposite. I have no regrets about my decision. In fact, once I handed my letter to the respective recipients, I realized that my decision opened the door of possibilities for me. I have a Juris Doctorate; which in and of itself allows me to do almost anything I choose to. For the longest I have viewed the DA's Office as the be all end all. I, like many other attorneys, allowed myself to be mentally confined to the illogical thinking of not being able to sustain without the aid of an "employer." The realization is if I'm gonna bust my ass and give dedication to someone else for their complete benefit, then why not do the same for myself. Am I not worthy enough to receive the benefits and fruits of my own labor? Its that type of thinking that keeps us from reaching for what we really dream of. Its that type of thinking that keeps us depressed in our surroundings. Its that type of thinking that keeps us miserable in our professional and personal lives. If I didn't understand before, I understand now what it means to step out on faith. I'm not saying the road that I'm about to travel will be easy, but working at the DA's Office wasn't always easy either. However, I made it through. In fact, I gave that office six years of my legal career and life. Anybody who knows me personally certainly knows what I went through privately and publicly. But I survived it and was overall successful as a prosecutor. So why shouldn't I expect the same outside of that office. I will survive and be successful on my own. Like with anything, this too will take time, and I look forward to the challenge.

A Nice Day

Today was simply a beautiful day. The sky was blue, the sun was shining, and there was a soft breeze in the air. All the proper makings of spring. I woke up this morning, and had breakfast with my mom and dad. Because they recently switched to cox, I was able to watch VH1 Soul. I then decided to listen to some music through my favorite headphones. Around two o'clock, I decided to go to Starbucks. After leaving there, I drove up Magazine, and hit Audubon Park. Since it was so pretty, and I found the perfect parking spot, I walked the trail around the park. As I was walking, I did some thinking to myself. I also watched the children play, people jog, ride their bikes, play with a Frisbee or badmitton, kick a soccer ball around or throw the football. Not even the dogs bothered me. It was as if they were there for the same purpose as myself; to enjoy the outside beauty. After walking around the park, I drove the long way home, put on my skates, and skated around the patio in my parents backyard. Balance is everything people. I then washed my clothes, sat out on the patio, and read a book until the sun decided it was time to retire. It was too beautiful outside to sit inside all day and do nothing. Hopefully this will be my first step towards rejoining the rest of the world in recreational activities.

Checking In

Hello all....I'm just stopping by for a while on my blog today. I've been a little too busy to even post anything, but next week I will give a more detailed update about my life and activities. In fact, I will post something next Friday. So if you're interested in the least bit, then stay tuned...

Holla back soon....

Just Another Black Film/Same Ole Story

While I think Morris Chestnut is a wonderful actor, not to mention extremely easy on the eyes, its unfortunate that he can't get any other roles in Hollywood. Tonight my friends and I saw the movie Not Easily Broken. The movie was watchable, but I really get tired of watching the same people in practically the same movies with different titles. Not only did this movie have the same storyline as other black films, it also had too many characters with open ended stories. Thus, their characters had no closure in the film; which left the viewer with questions. It was like mini-stories within the main story. Therefore, the movie jumped around a little too much for my taste. I think for the most part, I'm bored with seeing black actors and actresses playing the same character(s).

For black actresses, she's either a woman in an abusive relationship who feels hopeless and intimidated by everything and everyone throughout the movie. But at the end of the movie she builds up enough strength to move mountains and fight back like Layla Ali. Or she's an overbearing woman who's career driven and afraid to love someone. Or she doesn't know how to love someone; which black men refer to as not knowing how to "take care" of a man. For black actors, they're either an exceptionally gorgeous devout christian family man with a blue collar job that black women simply refuse to pay attention to because they're looking for love in all the wrong places. Or he has a successful career, but is abusive to black women in some fashion. There's no diversity for our black entertainers. Hollywood will never recognize actors like Morris Chestnut because either he isn't offered roles or he refuses to take roles that will allow him to play a different character.

Another problem our black actors/actresses have is the movies they're cast in are typically considered "our movies." Hence, the film writers may be lacking in diversity as well because all they write about is the so called "black experience." Movies they believe black people only want to see or will only pay to see. My imagination expands far beyond movies about drug dealers, the life of a rapper, failed relationships/marriages, and poverty/broken homes in the black community. I don't want to see a movie like Hustle and Flow. I don't want to see a movie like Friday. I don't want to see a movie like How To Be A Player. If black film writers want to be taken serious in Hollywood, then they need to realize that their writings need to become more diversified with more diversified roles for our black actors/actresses. Just ask Will Smith who draws a white and black crowd to his movies. Will Smith didn't allow himself to get caught up in black cinema, and look how well its paying off for him. By the way, I absolutely loved Seven Pounds, and I Am Legend. Diversity folks....It works....

How Rude

I really thought that moving back home with my parents wouldn't be so bad, but my mother is really annoying. Everyday, she's constantly telling me I need to get married, find a man, and have kids. If she isn't telling it to me, she's telling it to her friends or family over the phone. And the house isn't big, so I am in earshot of the conversation. Tonight I told her that a cousin of mine and her mother said I look the same as I did years ago when they knew me as a little girl in elementary school. My mother's response was, "They haven't seen your body so they don't know." I could have said something to her, but I decided not to. Besides she was on the phone with a friend of hers when she said it; which made it even more hurtful to me. As I write this, she is telling her friend on the phone how she should and is entitled to have more grandchildren. That really hurt my feelings. I'm going to bed....

Four Days In

Since the beginning of the year, I have kept on track with my goals. I know its only been four days, but that's better than what I've done in the past. So far, I've managed to pay out two of my three credit card debts. YIPPIE!!!! What I haven't mentioned to you guys is that I have put myself on a six months to a year plan to have enough money saved to buy a house. I plan to clear out all of my debt (with the exception of my student loan of course) and be in a house by the fall of this year. I think that's a realistic goal. I have one more credit card bill to pay and that will put an end to my credit debt. After that, I will pay my back taxes to Uncle Sam and the State of Louisiana. By April, I should have that dark cloud removed from over my head. I have two other major plans that I am working on as well. Because they're both a work in progress, I won't give any details just yet. I'll just say Meredith knows what its all about. In my book, Meredith is cool people. She get additional stars because Tara likes her. If Tara givers her stamp of approval, then you must be doing something right.

WARNING!!!!

If you are not in shape, and have not exercised in a hot minute, and want to play a few rounds of boxing on that Wii game, then I have a newsflash for your ass....

While the game is extremely fun, you will wake up the next morning with serious muscle pains all over your damn body. This is no joke. I suggest stretching for ten minutes prior to playing a game of Wii, and be sure to have a generous amount of water nearby to prevent exhaustion.

That damn golf get off...I've learned a thing or two about the game, and now I'm ready to buy some golf clubs and hit the course.

And Another One

First, let me start by saying Happy New Year's to everybody. I didn't do too much to bring in the new year. My sister and I bought fireworks, put together some finger foods, bought some bottles for popping once the clock struck twelve, and we had a nice time. I brought in the new year with my family and played a few games on my nephew's Wii. I had fun with the bowling and golf games. I left there with the inspiration to buy my own Wii game. I made phone calls and sent texts to people I care most about to tell them Happy New Year's. I updated my Facebook to tell my Facebook friends Happy New Year's. If you didn't hear from me, then that means one of two things. Either I don't have your number, or you don't mean shit to me. Oh don't fell bad, it's nothing personal. Out of sight means out of mind to me. That will never change.

In hindsight of 2008, I'm realizing that the year flew by. I can only imagine how quickly 2009 will pass. In evaluation of myself on a scale of one to ten, I'll give myself only a six. I wasn't a good person last year, nor was I a good friend to many. In fact, I've allowed some people to exit my life without any explanation of my behavior. But what I have come to realize is that those who I've allowed to walk away, I don't think I really wanted them in my life in the first place. They were only there due to some extension of me. Not because they were a part of me. There's a difference. It all became too complicated. Too many people knew too much about me, and that was a huge problem for me. I've never been one to keep a large circle, but somewhere along the way the circle developed into having too many people on the inside. The more people in my circle, the easier it was for them to criticize me or my behavior amongst others in the circle as well. That too was a problem. The circle has now been reduced accordingly, so most are back on the outside looking in. For their sake, I hope the temperature doesn't drop any lower than what it is.