Negative Inspiration

Last Saturday was one of the most memorable days in my life. Unfortunately, it adds to the list of my worst moments in my life. Since October of last year, I was living at home with my parents. Yesterday, I moved into my own apartment again. The whole point of living at home was to save enough money to purchase my first home. However, that plan went south when my mother tried to physically fight me and threaten me with a butcher knife. We haven't talked to each other since the incident. It isn't that I don't want to talk to her. I just think she needs time to calm down, and I needed time to reset my boundaries. I can honestly say that I'm not mad at her, nor am I mad at myself. I think I am truly past the time in my life of living at home. My dad asked me if my mother and I can forget about everything that happened. I explained to my dad that it isn't about forgetting. Its about my mother getting help so that she can find peace and happiness in her life so that she can stop being so angry. With help, I believe my mother can have a better relationship with her husband, her siblings, and her daughters. As for me, the medicine and my own therapy is helping me make it through this ordeal. I hate that all of that had to happen between us because no matter how many apologies are said by the both of us, that action will always be there. Its tattooed on our lives. Its part of our history, and it dictates or present and our future.

On another note, I have to say thank you to Clif and Big G for helping me move. As always, Tara is there to pull the pieces together to keep me on track. Thanks friend!!! My new apartment is wonderful if I may say so myself. My first night here was very lonely for me. I didn't realize how accustomed I became to seeing my family and friends more consistently in my life. Today I organized the apartment. I put my belongings in its place, and my favorite room is my study. I have a place for my books on the built in bookshelf, my keyboard is placed in there, and I have the calm sounds of my water fountain right next to aromatherapy candles. You gotta see it!!!!