My Thanksgiving Holiday

My first day in Chicago was exciting for me. I came so close to meeting Oprah Winfrey. I thought I was finally going to come face to face with a self made billionaire. I guess I will have to wait until I get important enough for her to interview me. Madison, Wisconsin is so quiet and pretty. I wasn't able to take in much of the city, but I had fun with my cousins. I must admit it was different being here and not at home for Thanksgiving. I came to the realization that I didn't want to be in New Orleans for the holiday because nothing was going to be the same. My parents house still isn't finished and I just couldn't bare being in the city under the circumstances and remnants of Katrina. My best friend could hear in my voice that I was somewhat sad. I missed being with my family and my best friend. I guess I will stay home for Christmas. My sister's house will be finished by then. I called my friend today to wish him a happy thanksgiving, but he was somewhat short. He said he wasn't a holiday person and talked for a minute and hung up. I was disappointed but I guess I can't change any of that. I keep telling myself that he isn't coming home, and it is somewhat difficult to grasp that portion of reality. There is a part of me that misses him, but I am trying to make myself forget about him. On a brighter note, I have to get ready to move into my new apartment and plan activities for my birthday. I will fly home tomorrow, and I have a couple of social activities to go to. One is a concert and the other is a boat ride. I am scared of both events considering the amount of people that will be there and the fact that the boat is on water. I still haven't forgotten about my conversation at my last session. I have thought about it, but I don't have any conclusion on the matter. It is hard to think I am in need of love or fulfillment of some sort. Maybe my concept of love and fulfillment is incorrect and jaded. Maybe my experiences and relationships have forced me to see something that is working to my detriment. Maybe the fact that I think too much about shit cause me to give up on things before I even try. I just don't know how to see things from a different perspective. I guess the bottom line is I am my biggest enemy. My biggest threat. My biggest competition. Self destructive.